Forbidden Read Online Free Page B

me expectantly, waiting for my answer. I have no idea what to say to him.  It frustrates me that there are so many differences between now and then.  I would have never hesitated eight years ago to tell this man anything. But now?  There is…baggage.
                  “Ummm…” 
                  He stiffens, then sits up and moves away from me so that he can look into my eyes.  “What is it?” He asks, and I see the fear in his eyes.
                  I sit up and back myself against the couch once again. Knowing the reason I had to search for him now nearly paralyzes me with fear. 
                  “Ryan, you’ve got to understand…I thought you hated me-”
                  “Never,” he says, looking me directly in the eyes. His gaze never waivers.
                  “I never thought you’d still have feelings for me.”
                  “Always.”
                  “I thought it was just me who held on.”
                  “No,” he says.  “We both did.”
                  “Yes,” I smile back at him. “We both did. Now I know that. But for so long, I tried to move on. I really did.”
                  I can see his expression change from confused amusement to understanding and then finally, resignation and sadness.  “You came for my permission.”
                  “What? No!”  It becomes clear to me exactly what Ryan is thinking and I feel compelled to quickly erase it from his mind. 
                  “So there is no one else?” He asks, but we both know the answer.
                  “There is…someone,” I whisper. “But not like you. There could never be anyone like you.”  It is the absolute truth.  But I, like most young women, have wondered if I should be with someone who is what I need instead of what I want.
                  “No,” he replies softly. “Not like me…someone better.”
                  I hear the bitterness and sadness in his tone and it cuts me to the core. I shake my head side to side so vehemently that I make myself dizzy.
                  “NO!  Don’t you see? That’s what our fathers have done to you!  They’ve convinced you that you’re not good enough.  Well, you are, Ryan. You’re more than good enough. You’re more than I could ever possibly deserve.”
                  He looks into my eyes and I hope he can see how much I mean the words I’m saying to him. I wish I could take away all the horrible things that have happened to him. All the things that made him think he was somehow less than anyone else. But that’s the thing with negativity…when it’s directed at you, you always believe it. And sometimes, it’s the only thing that sticks. 
                  “I’ll never be good enough for you, Becs,” he says softly. “But I’m willing to spend the rest of my life trying.”
                  I take his hand in my own and grin at him. “Ryan, you are the only man I have ever loved. Don’t you know that?  Nothing else matters.” My tone is urgent as I try to express to him how much he means to me. How little everything else matters. 
                  “What about what’s-his-name?”
                  Oh, I think. I’d nearly forgotten about him. 
                  I sigh heavily before answering. “He’s asked, but I haven’t given my answer.  I couldn’t.  Not without… I had to see you first.  I had to know if….”  My voice trails off because I’m suddenly embarrassed at how I sound. Selfish, immature. I sound like someone who wants to make sure there’s nothing better before settling, which is exactly what I’m doing.  I know it, Ryan knows it, and the man who waits for my answer knows it. 
                  It’s his turn to