Fizzlebert Stump and the Bearded Boy Read Online Free Page A

she said quickly. ‘No one wants to hear about that.’
    Mrs Stump had perked up at the story and her bow tie was twirling.
    Wystan went quiet. ‘Sorry,’ he muttered.
    ‘Quite right, boy,’ Lady Barboozul said. ‘Come along. We must prepare for our first show. Must make it look good tonight, yes?’
    Then she surprised Fizz by squeezing past the two boys sat at the little dining table and leaning over to his mum. Her beard only just avoided trailing in Fizz’s plate with its breadcrumbs and jam smears. If Fizz hadn’t known better he’d’ve said that it had lifted itself up to avoid the plate, but beards don’t do that, so it must have been an illusion.
    ‘It was good of you to look after Wystan,’ she said to Mrs Stump in a sweet warm voice. ‘I’m glad he’s made a friend. So rare, isn’t it? Thank you.’
    And before Fizz’s mum could answer, she retreated, turned and strode out of the caravan, pulling Wystan along behind her.
    And then the two bearded marvels were gone.
    Mrs Stump said goodbye with a mournful sliding note on a miniature swannee whistle, and turned back to her mirror.
    Fizz saw that Wystan had left his sandwiches behind, and while his mum was busy, ate them himself.
     
    I’ll grant you, it’s perhaps not the most cliffhangery ending to a chapter, a boy eating a sandwich while a nearby clown finishes her makeup, but I think if I was trying to eat I’d like a bit of peace and quiet before the next chapter begins. So please, be kind, and give a Fizz a moment to ingest (which just means ‘eat’ with more letters, like what a postman does) before reading on.

Chapter Four
    In which a strongman is surprised and a nose goes missing
    Fizzlebert was just wiping the last crumbs from the front of his t-shirt (looks like you waited long enough before starting the chapter – we both thank you) when his dad appeared in the caravan doorway.
    ‘Hi Fizz, had a good day? Where’s your mum?’ he asked, enthusiastically.
    ‘Hi Dad,’ Fizz answered with a sigh. ‘I don’t know where she’s got to.’
    (He pointed to the cupboard above the sink.)
    ‘That’s strange,’ his dad said, grinning widely. ‘She’s normally here.’
    ‘Yes,’ said Fizz, talking like a bad actor. ‘I don’t know where she could’ve got to.’
    ‘It’s not like her to go missing.’
    ‘No, Dad.’
    ‘I’m worried about her, Fizz. Where could she be?’
    ‘I’m sure you don’t need to worry, Dad. She’ll turn up. Why don’t you have a cup of tea?’
    (He carried on pointing at the cupboard above the sink.)
    ‘A cup of tea?’
    ‘Yeah. You’ll need to get the tea bags though.’
    ‘Oh, okay,’ said Mr Stump.
    Fizz clicked the switch on the kettle and his dad put a pair of mugs on the table and opened the cupboard above the sink, where the teabag tin was kept.
    As the long horizontal door was opened a brightly-coloured silk-clad shape rolled out and fell into his arms. It was Mrs Stump, laughing loudly and honking her horn.
    ‘Boo!’ she shouted between giggles and wriggles.
    Mr Stump put her down on the floor.
    ‘Oh Gloria!’ he said, laughing his deep barrel-bellied laugh. ‘You really got me that time! My heart fair jumped out of my chest. Such a surprise! I had no idea you were hiding up there.’
    Mrs Stump slapped him with a kipper.
    ‘I love you, Herbert,’ she said. (Herbert was Mr Stump’s middle name.)
    ‘I love you too, Gloria,’ Mr Stump replied.
    ‘I’m going to be sick,’ added Fizz, sticking his fingers in his ears.
     
    This happened every single day. Being a clown, his mum loved surprising her husband, and so whenever she got the chance she hid. However, she’d been doing this for years and since (a) anything that happens every day for years soon ceases to be a surprise, (b) hiding places in a caravan are limited, and (c) no one wanted to hurt anyone else’s feelings, Fizz and his dad had had to grow very good at pretending to be surprised.
     

     
    The kettle boiled