Five Television Plays (David Mamet) Read Online Free

tell you what: Us Outdoorsmen have got to help each other. Don't you think? ( Pause. ) Don't you think?
    W INNIE: Mm. Yes.
    R ALPH: Well, we do. And I'm going to help you. I don't know what your problems are, ‘n’ it's none of my business . . .
    W INNIE: My problems are I have to go to jail and be separated from my son tomorrow.
    R ALPH: Then I'm going to help you.
    W INNIE: How?
    ( Pause. )
    R ALPH: Can you keep a secret?
    W INNIE: If it will help me and my son.
    R ALPH: It will.
    W INNIE: Then I'll keep a secret.
    R ALPH: You give me your solemn oath?
    W INNIE: I do.
    R ALPH: Alright. ( Pause. ) I am the Magic Woodsman. ( Pause. ) I have the Power to grant Wishes of the Heart.
    ( He sings the “Song of the Magic Woodsman.” He finishes. Pause. )
    And now you have two wishes. Anything your Heart Desires.
    ( Pause. )
    W INNIE: I can wish for anything?
    R ALPH: Yup. And it will be granted.
    ( Pause. )
    W INNIE: Is that true?
    R ALPH: Yes. It is.
    ( Pause. )
    W INNIE: Thank you.
    R ALPH: What?
    W INNIE: Thank you.
    R ALPH: That is alright. Now, you take your time, and whatever you . . .
    W INNIE: I don't have to take time. I am going to wish . . .
    R ALPH: Oh, oh, oh. I forgot: ( pause ) First you have to guess my name. Nothing to it. ( Pause. ) You have to guess my name and then I grant your wishes. Understand?
    W INNIE: Yes.
    R ALPH: Think that you can do it?
    W INNIE: Yes.
    R ALPH: Alright, then. Now: what are your wishes?
    W INNIE ( pause ): I wish that everything was just the way it was before the congressman came in the restaurant . . .
    R ALPH: . . . alright . . .
    W INNIE: And I wish my son and I were in Yellowstone Park. ( Pause. )
    R ALPH: Good. You tell me my name your wishes shall be granted.
    W INNIE: Your name is Ralph Blum. ( Pause. )
    R ALPH: I'm very sorry, Miss.
    W INNIE: That's not your name?
    R ALPH: I'm very sorry. ( Pause. ) I'm very sorry.
    W INNIE: Do I get another chance?
    R ALPH: No . It is not within my power. ( Pause. ) I'm very sorry. ( Pause. ) I . . . you and the boy. Feel free to stay here tonight. I, I'm sure everything will, will look brighter in the morning. ( Pause. ) I hope that everything works out. I'm very sorry.
    ( The M AGIC W OODSMAN leaves the cabin. W INNIE waits. Sits down at the table, smokes a cigarette. )
    R ANGER: The false dawn came, that time before the dawn, and, after it, the dawn, and Winnie sat at the table smoking her cigarette while her son slept.
    (W INNIE sings a song of remorse, how, standing on principle, she has sacrificed the well-being of her child. She finishes. D OUG wakes up. )
    D OUG: Where are we . . . ?
    W INNIE: Come on. Get up, Sweetheart, we . . .
    D OUG: What's that . . . ?
    R ANGER: They heard the baying of dogs. Drawing closer.
    W INNIE: They're coming to get us.
    ( Through a megaphone we hear a T ROOPER.)
    T ROOPER: We know you're in there . . .
    S ECOND T ROOPER: Be careful, she's dangerous.
    T ROOPER: You have one minute to come out, you and the boy . . .
    D OUG: What are we going to do?
    W INNIE: I have to give myself up . . .
    D OUG: No! What will they do to . . .
    W INNIE: I'm sure everything will be al . . .
    T ROOPER: Alright, we're coming in . . .
    W INNIE ( she embraces D OUG): Sweetheart, I'm sure that everything will be al . . .
    ( The door opens. She shields D OUG. It is R ALPH B LUM.)
    R ALPH: Wait a second. Did you say “Ralph Blum "?
    W INNIE: What?
    R ALPH: Did you say “Ralph Blum "? My name?
    W INNIE: Yes.
    R ALPH: You did.
    W INNIE: Yes.
    R ALPH: Cause, that is my name. It's on, you know, it's on a sign right outside the door.
    W INNIE: I, I, I know.
    R ALPH: What?
    W INNIE: I said that I know.
    R ALPH: I thought you said “Brown.” But you said “Ralph Blum.”
    W INNIE: Yes.
    R ALPH: Word of honor?
    W INNIE: Yes.
    R ALPH: Well, then you get your wish! I'm sorry . . . such a silly . . . I don't hear so . . .
    ( They are transported. W INNIE is back in the restaurant with the C ONGRESSMAN.)
    R ANGER: And they were magically