Firsts Read Online Free Page B

miserable, though the only thing worse than ignoring him would entail confronting him. God, she sucked with men. Big-time. Not the ones she loved, at least. That way lay paved with heartache and despair; Wesley had made his feelings completely clear last night. He didn't want to have sex with her. She lived as his friend, nothing more, and he didn't want that relationship to change. He'd only agreed due to her persistence.
     
    Their amazing relationship would become something else entirely after Friday. The notes and the whispers would vanish, as would the glances and everything else that made life bearable.
    She'd changed everything without realizing it.
     
    Without realizing exactly what would change and what she would lose.
     
    Savannah sighed harshly. She'd arrived home about an hour ago, and the phone had yet to ring, which troubled her since she'd watched it from the moment she kicked off her shoes. On a normal day she would have headed to Wesley's house directly after school, but she'd managed to ditch the last ten minutes of class to get a jump start home; she figured he would wonder when she didn't meet him by his locker. Then again, ignoring him all day had to stand as the mother of all mixed messages. Perhaps she could look forward to a reverse cold shoulder in retaliation. He wouldn't acknowledge she ignored him in his mutual ignoring of her. Then he'd be angry, they'd fight, she'd have to tell him, and everything would go kablooey, and then…
     
    The sharp chimes of the doorbell interrupted her increasingly depressing thoughts, replacing concern with panic.
     
    Oh Gawd ohgodohgodOHGOD!
     
    Only one person would be here now. Allison never came over after school; she knew, as did their other friends, that weekday afternoons belonged to Wesley. They always had.
     
    And she'd ignored him all day. All day.
     
    “It's all right,” Savannah murmured to herself, shoulders hardening, a cool, stabilizing breath rushing through her lips. “It's Wesley. Best friend Wesley. We've done this a thousand times…
    Okay, not so much the smoochies and the touchies and…but…”
     
    Her feet practically floated across the carpet. The doorbell chimed again.
     
    “He won't be mad. You wigged. He'll understand.”
     
    Right. Yesterday she'd wanted him to sully her virtue. Now she felt burdened by the horror of being in love with him. Wesley—plain, platonic, best-friend-shaped Wesley—had become a man in her eyes. Her man. He'd comforted her through heartache, shared her laughter at pointless jokes, and stood at her side with her through every step, big or small, of her life since childhood.
    She'd wanted to do the next big step with him. Simple as that…only she wasn't prepared for this.
     
    She hadn't seen that the little boy who had once stolen all her Barbies had become a man, a man who could steal something much more valuable.
     
    She wasn't ready.
     
    God, why did I ever talk to Allison?
     
    Savannah might have come to these realizations without her friend's help, but she would have much preferred having her epiphany well in the future. Or rather, anytime save the day after she'd talked him into having sex with her. Sex with her best friend plus mushy feelings would make her the last person in the world he'd ever want to hang around.
     
    This. Totally. Sucked.
     
    Better that you know, her mind advised. Right?
     
    Savannah snorted inelegantly and shook her head.Yeah. In what universe?
     
    The doorbell chirped again. He knew she was home; if she hadn't gone to his house, options seemed rather sparse, and at any rate, she couldn't hide in here forever. Therefore, drawing in a deep breath, she grasped the door handle, whispered a quick prayer, and prepared for the worst.
     
    “Good.” Wesley greeted without preamble, pushing his way into the foyer and kicking the door closed before she even registered she had succeeded in opening it. The anger she'd expected was nowhere from sight; hurt and confusion