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shortcomings. In this case, my unruly hair.
    I pull farther away from her. “You and I both know that if Socrates knew about me, he never would have picked me.”
    “Mira, you are the most amazing daughter a mother could ask for. Of course your First knew what he was doing.”
    “Right. You’re just saying that because you’re finally getting rid of me. We both know I’ll be a terrible Second. I skip visits like the Chesaning girls skip their chores. I even had to spend three days in the box. I’ve been written up so many times it’s a wonder I haven’t been kicked out or shipped off to another farm.”
    She shakes her head. “We all make mistakes, sweetheart, but we can be Absolved of our sins. Your father would be so proud of you.”
    “I thought he hated the Firsts.”
    “Of course he didn’t. You wouldn’t know, Mira. You were so young when he died.”
    “Five years isn’t that long.” But I’m arguing to her back as she walks out of my bedroom. Once again, I’m alone.
    I can’t stay anymore. The walls close in, and I feel like any moment my mom will come back, or Max, or Tanner. Oh yeah, Tanner. Guilt hits me hard, and I shove my feet into shoes. I should see him. Really, I need to see him, talk to him, beg him for forgiveness. But from what? It’s not like I asked for this. It’s not like I wanted this. It’s not my fault, right? But there’s no answer, only the echo from the empty walls. I have to get out of here.
    Sneaking out is pretty easy—there’s no one home—but somehow, it still feels wrong, like I should be working or at school or something. Passing around the edge of the courtyard, I notice that it’s recess, and Max is out playing.
    “Mira!” he shrieks and runs toward me, grabbing me in another hug. “What are you doing out here?”
    “I’m going for a walk.” I gently break free and smile as I scrub my hand on the top of his head. He ducks, just like he always does.
    “Going to see Tanner? You looove him, don’t you?” He bounces up and down on his heels in that excited, hyper way only little kids have.
    “No! I don’t love him.” Right? My cheeks burn red hot. “He’s my best friend, all right?” I chew on my bottom lip and look out toward the field where Tanner works.
    “But you have to! Tanner said he’d come over after work.”
    “Umm, just… just tell him I can’t see him. That I’m tired or something.”
    Max’s eyes get huge. “But you’re leaving! You want me to lie?”
    I wince at the message I’m sending. Some role model I am. “Please Max. If you tell him I’m gone, he’ll come looking for me, and I, I need some time alone right now.”
    He sticks the tip of his tongue out the corner of his mouth as he thinks. “But Mom said—”
    I pull him to me, and he squirms. “I know, I know. It’s wrong to lie. But just this once, can you do it for me?”
    Max thinks for another long stretch of seconds, still with concentration.
    “Please?”
    Finally he nods, and I feel a relieved grin stretch across my face. “But it’s your fault, right? If Mom catches me, I’m gonna say it’s your fault.” He narrows his eyes at me, so I know he’s serious.
    “That’s fine.” I chuckle. “I deserve it if she gets mad at me.”
    After Max leaves, I head out past the edge of the fields and cross over a small hill.
    Nestled between the shadows of that hill and the edge of the forest is a sacred place. Little wooden houses rise above the ground on spindly stilts. Dolls have tea at the edge of a little tiny sandbox. Stuffed animals romp with each other, their weather-beaten hides gray from the elements. My eyes linger on the little brown teddy leaning against the swing set. I placed it there after Rosie died. The creature’s lopsided bow droops, once bright red, now pale silver. The rusty swings clank against each other in the lazy summer breeze, and if I concentrate, I can hear laughter and nursery rhymes, and see tiny hands making hopscotch squares on