Festivus Read Online Free
started linking to the Wagner site. The Associated Press wrote about the company’s poles and they appeared on
The Today Show.
“We were getting 25 orders an hour in the days before Festivus,” Mr. Leto says. “And on Festivus Eve, people were paying $200 for next day delivery.”
The company sold over 1,700 poles during the 2006 season and 2,100 in 2007. Working at Wagner is now cool. Mr. Leto wishes his barber Happy Festivus.
“How much fun can there be to the aluminum railing business?” Mr. Leto asks. “This gives us something to laugh about.”
The governor of Wisconsin, Jim Doyle, is almost exactly the same height as his pole.
MOUNTING
If the pole is roughly the same height as the distance between a home’s floor and ceiling, it can simply be wedged between the two. This approach might not set the classiest mood, as exemplified by the experience of Ryan Miles, a strobe-light salesman from Nashville, Tennessee. For three Festivi (the plural of Festivus), Miles, 29, has jammed a pole between the ceiling and floor of the hallway that opens onto the den of his rented house. Of his annual party, he notes, “The guest list includes close friends and fewer and fewer girls attending each year.”
Software consultant James Eigner salutes the pole at a party in Chicago
(It may not only be the pole that dissuades the opposite sex. It could be the beverage of choice, a Festivus invention of Ryan and his friends called “Swill.” It’s made by pouring a case of beer, a fifth of vodka, and three frozen lemonade concentrates into a cooler. “The foam will settle,” Ryan assures.)
There are tidier techniques. An elegant one is filling a large flowerpot with sand and working the pole into the center. Some Festivusers in Texas take the trouble to screw brackets into the floor and ceiling to hold their pole in place. Trevor Hare in Tucson worms his into a one-gallon tub filled with rocks. Unlike Ryan, Trevor exhibits class. When Festivus season passes, he says, “The pole is stored, wrapped in the finest wool, in the garage.”
NOT MOUNTING
For their seven annual Festivus gatherings so far, Lianne and Mark Yarvis of Portland, Oregon, have invented their own tradition that specifies the pole must be “borrowed” and brought by a guest. A flagpole with a gold eagle on top has been among those that have served.
The pole is then passed around during the Airing of Grievances. Whosoever holds the pole must grieve. “Some people are shy about it, but if you’re handed the pole it’s clearly your turn,” Lianne, 36, says. “It puts people on the spot. It helps break the shyness. We don’t want anybody to weasel out.”
TOPPING
While topping is not at all necessary, some, like Troy Kinnaird and his chums in Knoxville, Tennessee, choose to add low-key
Seinfeld
-inspired, untinselly headpieces to the pole.
Since Junior Mints, a chocolate-covered candy that in one episode of
Seinfeld
accidentally drops into a patient’s body during surgery, are often served at Festivuses (another plural of Festivus), it’s worth considering puncturing the candy’s white cardboard box and impaling it.
Three Knoxville, Tennessee, pals who impale
AS AN APHRODISIAC
Putting a pole in the middle of a room at a party can attract strippers. At West End Comedy Theatre’s 2004 Festivus celebration in Dallas, which advertised “for the nondenominational, an inoffensive get-together,” female comedians took turns dancing provocatively with the pole. Party organizer Doug Ewart was stunned—and pleased. Set up under a spot-light on the comedy club’s stage, “The pole saw more action than anyone else,” Ewart says. “I thought it was a pretty neat development.” He adds that the pole will definitely be a part of future Festivus festivities.
FOR LIMBO
While it’s true that the ready availability of a metal pole can lead to some destructive party behavior (impromptu indoor baseball, apple hockey, and
The Today Show.
“We were getting 25 orders an hour in the days before Festivus,” Mr. Leto says. “And on Festivus Eve, people were paying $200 for next day delivery.”
The company sold over 1,700 poles during the 2006 season and 2,100 in 2007. Working at Wagner is now cool. Mr. Leto wishes his barber Happy Festivus.
“How much fun can there be to the aluminum railing business?” Mr. Leto asks. “This gives us something to laugh about.”
The governor of Wisconsin, Jim Doyle, is almost exactly the same height as his pole.
MOUNTING
If the pole is roughly the same height as the distance between a home’s floor and ceiling, it can simply be wedged between the two. This approach might not set the classiest mood, as exemplified by the experience of Ryan Miles, a strobe-light salesman from Nashville, Tennessee. For three Festivi (the plural of Festivus), Miles, 29, has jammed a pole between the ceiling and floor of the hallway that opens onto the den of his rented house. Of his annual party, he notes, “The guest list includes close friends and fewer and fewer girls attending each year.”
Software consultant James Eigner salutes the pole at a party in Chicago
(It may not only be the pole that dissuades the opposite sex. It could be the beverage of choice, a Festivus invention of Ryan and his friends called “Swill.” It’s made by pouring a case of beer, a fifth of vodka, and three frozen lemonade concentrates into a cooler. “The foam will settle,” Ryan assures.)
There are tidier techniques. An elegant one is filling a large flowerpot with sand and working the pole into the center. Some Festivusers in Texas take the trouble to screw brackets into the floor and ceiling to hold their pole in place. Trevor Hare in Tucson worms his into a one-gallon tub filled with rocks. Unlike Ryan, Trevor exhibits class. When Festivus season passes, he says, “The pole is stored, wrapped in the finest wool, in the garage.”
NOT MOUNTING
For their seven annual Festivus gatherings so far, Lianne and Mark Yarvis of Portland, Oregon, have invented their own tradition that specifies the pole must be “borrowed” and brought by a guest. A flagpole with a gold eagle on top has been among those that have served.
The pole is then passed around during the Airing of Grievances. Whosoever holds the pole must grieve. “Some people are shy about it, but if you’re handed the pole it’s clearly your turn,” Lianne, 36, says. “It puts people on the spot. It helps break the shyness. We don’t want anybody to weasel out.”
TOPPING
While topping is not at all necessary, some, like Troy Kinnaird and his chums in Knoxville, Tennessee, choose to add low-key
Seinfeld
-inspired, untinselly headpieces to the pole.
Since Junior Mints, a chocolate-covered candy that in one episode of
Seinfeld
accidentally drops into a patient’s body during surgery, are often served at Festivuses (another plural of Festivus), it’s worth considering puncturing the candy’s white cardboard box and impaling it.
Three Knoxville, Tennessee, pals who impale
AS AN APHRODISIAC
Putting a pole in the middle of a room at a party can attract strippers. At West End Comedy Theatre’s 2004 Festivus celebration in Dallas, which advertised “for the nondenominational, an inoffensive get-together,” female comedians took turns dancing provocatively with the pole. Party organizer Doug Ewart was stunned—and pleased. Set up under a spot-light on the comedy club’s stage, “The pole saw more action than anyone else,” Ewart says. “I thought it was a pretty neat development.” He adds that the pole will definitely be a part of future Festivus festivities.
FOR LIMBO
While it’s true that the ready availability of a metal pole can lead to some destructive party behavior (impromptu indoor baseball, apple hockey, and
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