Fatal Read Online Free

felt like jelly.
    Mom frowned at me, as though it were obvious.
    "So you can go off to school! Why else?" she said, her cheeks coloring.
    "What?" I said, catching myself against the doorframe.
    All the heat in my body seemed to concentrate in my chest and stomach. Mom's smile didn't even falter. She thought I was excited! That I was happy!
    I could feel the weight of that future pressing down on me, closing in fast. Why was it all going wrong? I didn't want to be away from her, not when she was like this!
    "Call them back," I said, lurching into the room.
    Grabbing the phone from her bed, I held it out to her. This time, her smile did fail her. Two little creases formed between her eyebrows as she looked at me, as she saw the phone shaking in my grip.
    "Call them back and tell them you don't want to."
    She laid her fingers over my hand and gently pushed down on the phone, making me lower it to my side. Then she squeezed my palm.
    "But Steph, this is what you want. Isn't it?"
    My mouth opened, but no sound came out. Instead, a breathed in a long, shuddering gulp of air. I could almost taste that sweet, cloying scent coming off her body.
    "You've always wanted to go off to school, ever since you were little. Remember?" she said.
    Her skin felt like thin, dry paper against mine. It felt like the slightest jerk would tear it open. I covered my mouth with my hand.
    Mom nodded, "Oh, don't worry about me. I'll be fine at the research center."
    My breath caught in my throat as something pushed at the back of my eyes. Guilt mixed in with the apprehension and anxiety already stirring in the pit of my stomach. Yeah, I worried about her. But I found myself worrying about me more. Sure, our existence was almost the definition of miserable. But it was familiar.
    This school wasn't even on my side of North America! I couldn't go there. I wouldn't.
    "Please, just call..." I said, offering the phone again. Its plastic casing already felt slick and warm from my sweat.
    "I've made up my mind. You don't know how it feels to lie here in this bed, gobbling down a handful of pills every day. All I think about is how I'm holding you back. We're both alive, but not really living. I want you to go and live."
    I sank down onto my knees beside the bed. From there, I had to look up into my mother's face. The way the sun was coming in through the window caught in the wisps of her hair, making it look like they were burning.
    I felt very small, then, like a little kid. I wanted to call for my mom, but I knew she wouldn't help. She did stroke the back of my head. It was amazing how much better that made me feel. How could something so simple as that pull me up out of my worry?
    "The best part is , they've arranged everything. In one week, they'll be sending a van to come get me and a few things I'm allowed to take."
    "What about all our stuff?" I said, looking around.
    We didn't have a whole lot. Just about all our valuables had been sold already to help pay the medical bills. We had some furniture, some DVDs, CDs, lots of books and magazines. But it was all ours.
    There was so much I'd have to do.
    "I'm so proud of you for getting accepted," mom said, "I know you'll be great! You know, it makes me feel good to just think about it. So, no more of this about calling them back, right?"
    I pulled her hand over to my cheek. If she could do this, so could I. I mean, come on, she has cancer! All I would be doing would be moving across the country to a place I'd never been before to go to a college I'd never heard of.
    For the first time, I found myself feeling the barest hint of excitement at the idea. I'd been stalled for so long, I wasn't certain I could feel that way anymore. It was good, but frightening at the same time.
    "Okay," I said.
    I pushed her hand against my face and closed my eyes, willing my mind to imprint this moment in my memory. It felt like I was on one of those long, swaying rope bridges between two sheer cliffs.
    I was right in the middle of