squinted his eyes and stopped looking inward as he approached me. He looked decidedly curious about my revelation. “Please tell, I will not judge.”
“ I can’t,” I said, shaking my head.
“ But I told you what I did—the least you can do is return the sentiment by trusting me.”
I felt guilty about the events in the hot tub that one night, but there was a part of me that wanted to let E’Tienne know what I did. I wanted to see if he would respond with disgust, arousal, or neutrality. Telling him what I did was a definite risk, but my endorphins and my adrenaline compelled me to reveal all. I felt a sudden rush of blood to my chest and groin. I opened my mouth and said, “I participated in group sex.”
E’Tienne’s eyes grew large and a smile slowly began to overtake the grimness he had on his face. “Uh-huh,” he said.
“ I know...I know...” I shook my head. “I’m a horrible human being.”
E’Tienne came over and put his hand underneath my chin and softly tilted my head upward. “There is nothing sinful about expressing yourself sexually.”
I turned away from him. “I can’t...”
“ Can’t what?” he asked.
“ Thinking about sex, you being here...I don’t want to lose control.”
E’tienne crossed his arms and stepped away from me, giving me space to keep pacing. I peeked around him. I wanted to see if anyone had left the dining hall.
“Look, you can’t tell anyone, okay?” I pleaded.
“ But you can’t tell anyone what I did, either. I mean, I know you wouldn’t, which is why I told you, but how do I go about seeking forgiveness?”
I felt horrible because I ceased caring about E’tienne’s problems once I realized we were alone. Far away from from everyone else who didn’t understand the spoils of youth, or how ridiculous it was to lock up all human desires to feel.
“What do you think of me, E’tienne?” I asked, with an inner confidence that rose inexplicably from the blood boiling throughout my body.
E’tienne shook his head. “I can’t.”
“Yes you can, I saw how you looked at me in my bungalow.”
“ Sister...I...I...this is so wrong...” he stammered.
“ We need to talk, but we also need to keep walking,” I said.
“ Are you sure about this?” he asked.
I had a strange strength overcome my entire body and mind. My mind was set. I wanted to taste E’tienne’s flesh. I wanted to surrender myself to him and the urges.
I turned around and started walking toward a building at the other end of the field. I turned my head over my shoulder, and gave E’tienne a raise of my eyebrow, as I let him know that it was okay to begin seeing me as someone who was ready to submit. “Follow me,” I said.
E’tienne flashed a smile of a man who was in disbelief. But I could tell he was eager to pursue something more from me because the loose fabric on his basketball shorts began to bulge out a little.
Chapter Five
We entered an empty shack where the mission kept their sporting and maintenance equipment. Against the wall, a concrete work bench which had a hammer and nails resting on top of its cold, flat surface, was illuminated by the moonlight through the single window inside the old, wooden, musty rustic construction.
I entered first. I looked back at E’tienne, and flashed him a pair of acquiescent green eyes, half closed, and which signaled the need for his immediate touch. I rested my stomach against the bench and widened my stance a little, which gave my backside a natural lift.
E’tienne softly closed the rickety old door behind him. He stood still, staring at me in my position of estrus. “Sister Jessie, I don’t know about this,” he said, while pulling back his scalp with his hand, his fingers resting and then sliding off his dreads.
I spread my legs farther apart and looked up at the moon that shone through the single window, eagerly awaiting E’tienne’s first move. “I will not protest,” I said, as my chest began