Every House Is Haunted Read Online Free

back door open?”
    “The Haxanpaxan did. He went outside to do his business.”
    “Well, can you tell him to close it when he’s done?”
    “You don’t
tell
the Haxanpaxan to do anything.”
    “Can you ask him, then? Pretty please, with sugar on top?”
    “Toby, do you remember what I said about being funny?”

    “Soelle, do you know anything about the Conroys’ minivan getting smashed up last night?”
    “I’m afraid not, Toby. But on a side note: the Haxanpaxan doesn’t like minivans. And he doesn’t like the colour lime green. He finds it offensive to the senses.”
    “Uh-huh. The back door was open again all night.”
    “The Haxanpaxan was out.”
    “Doing his business?”
    “No, silly. He was looking for aces.”

    On an unseasonably warm Saturday in March, I was outside on the porch swing reading the paper when Soelle came skipping up the cobblestone path.
    “Hard day at the office?” I asked.
    “Look what we found.”
    She was bouncing around and waving something in her hand. It took me a moment to figure out what it was: a playing card. The ace of clubs.
    “The Haxanpaxan was the one who found it, actually. He’s very smart.”
    “Where did you find it?”
    “Mrs. Ferguson’s birdbath.”
    “Mrs. Ferguson?” I pictured an old woman who lived alone with her pet Rottweiler. An animal she could’ve thrown a saddle on and ridden around town. “You went into her back yard?”
    “Duh. That’s where her birdbath is.”
    “What about Kramer? Wasn’t he outside?”
    Soelle flashed me a wicked grin. “Oh, he was there all right. But one look from the Haxanpaxan and his fur turned completely white.”
    “Uh-huh.”
    “Yep. Then he ran around the side of the house and we went over and got the card.”
    “Aces.”
    “That’s right.” She winked at me and skipped up the porch steps and went inside. I was picking up my paper when I heard the porch steps creak. The front door swung open on its own, then closed again.
    Just the wind, I thought.

    Soelle called me from a payphone and told me I had to come over to Mrs. O’Reilly’s house.
    “Who?” I asked, groggily. I had been asleep. I looked over at the clock radio and saw it was half past two in the morning. “Do you know what time it is?”
    “It’s not important. You need to get over here now.”
    “Who’s Mrs. O’Reilly?”
    “My Algebra teacher. Duh!”
    Soelle gave me the address, but the house turned out to be easy to find. It was the one on fire.
    A pair of fire engines were parked out front, blocking off the street. Firefighters ran hither and yon, dragging heavy canvas hoses. A group of rubberneckers stood off to one side. Soelle was among them.
    “What the hell’s going on?” I asked her in a low voice so the others wouldn’t hear.
    “I didn’t do it,” Soelle said immediately. “The Haxanpaxan did.”
    “There
is
no Haxanpaxan.”
    “The Haxanpaxan doesn’t like it when—”
    I grabbed her roughly by the arm. “Stop it, Soelle. This is serious.”
    “You’re telling me.”
    She nodded at the house. The firefighters had stopped running and were staring at it, too.
    The flames were green.

    “So you’re saying you didn’t burn down your algebra teacher’s house because she was the one who confiscated your deck of tarot cards and got you expelled.”
    “Ex.”
    “What?”
    “She was my ex-Algebra teacher. I feel the need to have that stated for the record.”
    “The record? You’re not on trial, Soelle.”
    “Really? You could’ve fooled me.”
    “You said the Haxanpaxan did it.”
    “That’s right.”
    “But there is no Haxanpaxan.”
    “I wish you would stop saying that. It makes him very angry.”
    “Was the Haxanpaxan angry at Mrs. O’Reilly?”
    “No. I guess you could say he was angry on my behalf.”
    “And that’s why he burned down her house.”
    “I don’t control the Haxanpaxan, Toby. He knew I was upset, and I guess he just took it out on her.”
    “Well, that’s just