EllRay Jakes Is Not a Chicken Read Online Free

clenchy.
    Orange sparks may fly out of my ears, for all I know!
    Seated across from me, Kevin does not know why I am leaning over so far. “Hey, EllRay, you’re going to fall,” he says, giving me a friendly smile. Then he goes back to eating his sandwich, a gigantic grinder with pink flaps of meat hanging out. Kevin’s hand grips the roll as if it might try to escape from him at any moment.

    It would if it could!
    â€œYeah. Stop crowding, EllRay,” Jared tells me, giving me an extra-hard knuckle twist.
    â€œ Yowtch! Quit it, Jared,” I yell.
    â€œâ€˜ Quit it, Jared ,’” Stanley says in a whiny voice, trying to copy me—even though I didn’t really whine. Like I said, I yelled. In a manly way.
    I try to count to ten, which is what my mom says to do when I start getting mad. One, two, three, four. My lips move a little as I silently run through the numbers.
    â€œOh, look. He’s gonna cry. The widdle baby’s sad,” Jared says, sounding happy. Then he throws back his head and gives his famous HAW—HAW—HAW laugh.
    â€œI’m not crying,” I say, trying to get to my feet.
    I do not want to get into trouble, even at lunch, because the lunch monitor would tell Ms. Sanchez. Then Ms. Sanchez would call my parents, and bye-bye Disneyland on Saturday.
    But do I want to go through the rest of my life saying, “ BUK, BUK, BUK ”?
    No way!

7
    IT’S DIFFERENT WITH MY MOM
    My mom thinks there is always a reason when people—especially kids—are mean, but even though I am only eight years old, I know better.
    I think some people— especially kids—are mean for no reason.
    What about when a mean person shoves someone in the hall? Or “accidentally” knocks the back of that person’s head when he is drinking at the water fountain? Or grabs his lunch and plays keep-away with it?
    That person does it because he can.
    But I don’t tell my mom that, because it would only make her sad. Even though she likes to write books about pretend-wonderful things that could have happened in a long-ago time, in real life she is a little bit of a worrywart when it comes to Alfie and me. She wants us never to get hurt.
    Just as I think this thought, Mom pops her head around the door to my bedroom. “Can I tuck you in, EllRay?” she asks, smiling.

    â€œSure,” I tell her, scootching over in bed to make room for her to sit next to me. “Good,” my mom says, settling in for a before-bedtime visit, which is secretly one of my favorite things, because:
    1. It’s not like when I’m at school, where I can never really relax because I don’t know what’s gonna happen next.
    2. And it’s not like when I’m with Alfie, where I always have to watch her to make sure she doesn’t try to fly down the stairs or something crazy like that.
    3. And it’s not like when I’m with my dad, where he is either trying to keep me from messing up in the future or scolding me for messing up in the past. Sometimes I think I must be a disappointment to him, he is so important and smart. And strong. And tall.
    It’s different with my mom. My mom is usually a very relaxing person, and she likes me no matter what. She even likes the old EllRay Jakes.
    â€œYour daddy told me about your Disneyland deal,” Mom says, arranging my covers more neatly under my chin. “I guess you’re pretty happy about that, hmm?”
    â€œYeah,” I say. “If I don’t mess it up for everyone. Don’t tell Alfie about it yet, okay? Just in case.”
    â€œOkay,” Mom promises. “But I know you can do it, honey bun.”
    â€œIt’s—it’s kind of like a bribe, though, isn’t it?” I ask. “Us getting to go to Disneyland, but only if I’m good. And I thought you guys said that bribing people was wrong. Even bribing kids .”
    My mom laughs a little. “I