Eat'em Read Online Free Page B

tour include a shower?”
    We followed Isaac into a set of double doors and down a hallway, where he grabbed a newspaper from a rack and kept walking. We passed a cafeteria on our left and entered a huge lobby filled with chain restaurants and a small shopping center.
    “Are you a philosopher, Jacob?” Isaac took a seat, tossing his coat tails to either side, and opened the paper. “There are some great philosophy classes if you are into that kind of thing. They talk about how different people view the world. Some see us all as part, as one with the universe, whatever, all kinds of stuff. I find it fascinating. So many people with different points of view, different perspectives of the same events. I’ve often wondered what it would be like to see life through all of these different viewpoints. The world is becoming more connected all around us. It almost seems as if this should be the natural order of things. Together we can achieve much more than as individuals.”
    “Nut job!” Eat’em blurted. “Can we visit the soda fountain?”
    “No,” I answered.
    “No?” Isaac lifted an eyebrow and again grinned like a whale eating krill. “I didn’t mean that as a question. I definitely am not trying to start an argument.”
    I sat. “I just have to disagree with your philosophy. There’s value in individuality. Historically, individualism has had some of the greatest contributions to cultural growth, right? I mean, our foundation is built by those who’ve denied societal constraints. Darwin, Edison, Jobs, Van Gogh…”
    “Aren’t you two perfect for each other,” Valentine scoffed as he found a seat and ogled a group of passing girls.
    “Merely men!” Isaac ignored Val, “And men are like cells. We’re part of the bigger picture. The arm doesn’t mourn when a cell dies. It just makes more cells. Yours is an interesting perspective, though. You should take philosophy. I think you might change your point of view. You’re a smart kid…”
    “A regular John Forbes Nash,” Val said.
    A ripple of excitement rushed through Isaac’s face. “I like you guys. We should carry on this conversation again sometime after you’ve both taken a few classes. Maybe then you could teach me a thing or two. What kind of girls you like?”
    “I don’t know,” I said at the same time Val answered, “What kind of girls don’t I like?”
    Dating would be impossible with Eat’em lingering. Even before Val finished the question, Eat’em belched and chirped, “Girls suck!”
    “Well, find out and get back to me,” he smiled. “I’m glad y’all moved in next door. You know how it is; us geniuses get all lost in our heads and get bored. Need other geniuses around to keep things interesting.”
    “Don’t be his friend, Jacob,” Eat’em pleaded as he leapt from atop my head onto the table. He stood between us, trying to block my view. “I don’t like him. He’s smelly? Check. He likes girls? Check. He has big boring conversations? Triple check! Yes? Yes! And he smells. I don’t want you to be his friend… please? Please, please!”
    “Sure,” I said. “Geniuses stick together, I guess.”
    “No!” Eat’em yelled. “You fool! This is the beginning of the end! Put me in a box and ship me to wherever this isn’t, because this sucks, yes. SUCKS!”
    Isaac’s teeth glinted in the dull light of the dining facility. “Good, man, now what do you got? What’s your first class? I’ll help you find it.”

 
    Chapter 5
    MASS MURDERER’S IMAGINARY MENAGERIE . That’s the headline that accompanies my reveal of the Grotesque Infection during my trial. The catchy title does a good job of making me out to look like a lunatic. The article itself is farce. The journalist, David House, wrote it as if I am suggesting a microbial alien invasion of fungus people landed in my backyard. It reads like a smug movie review. He even compares my defense to an M. Night Shyamalan film.
    The jury is expected to remain impartial