Eat, Drink and Be Wary Read Online Free Page B

Eat, Drink and Be Wary
Book: Eat, Drink and Be Wary Read Online Free
Author: Tamar Myers
Tags: Mystery, Humour
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him the paper.
     
     
I stared at her. She didn't look anything like her father. She was as white as cottage cheese, and he as dark as a pan of brownies. From a genetic standpoint, it seemed more likely that it would be the other way around. But since I know very little about these things - my ancestral pools are about as varied as freshwater lakes in the Mojave - I prudently kept my mouth shut.
     
     
Now, I am not one to judge, but black tights and a baggy black sweater do not an outfit make. Where was the bottom to the ensemble? No skirt, no slacks, the poor child didn't even have a coat to keep her warm, although she did have boots - the kind my daddy used to wear when he mucked the barn. And rings! That child wore them everywhere. I'm no babe in the woods, catering to celebrities like I do, and I've seen some bizarre cases of body piercing, but she had more punctures than an inner tube in a cactus patch. It was a wonder the girl didn't just ooze away through all those unnatural apertures.
     
     
Arthur put the invitation on the counter. "This is Carlie," he said.
     
     
I smiled. "Hi, Carlie," I said sweetly. Between you and me, however, I was seething. Mr. Anderson was going to get an earful, or was the culprit Freni? I had specifically instructed my kinswoman to make crystal clear to the E.C.D. folks that children were not welcome at my establishment. That was a nonnegotiable condition for holding the contest at the PennDutch.
     
     
Carlie, who was chewing on a wad of gum about the size of the planet Pluto said nothing.
     
     
"She's kind of shy," Art said, and fondly rumpled Carlie's bleached spikes.
     
     
"How old is your little girl?" I asked pleasantly.
     
     
"I'm eighteen, and I ain't his little girl."
     
     
I swallowed. I have a sixth sense for trouble, thanks to Susannah.
     
     
"Well then whose little girl are you?"
     
     
"That ain't none of your business." She grabbed Art's left arm. "This here is my boyfriend."
     
     
I grabbed the counter for support. Nine generations of Yoders turning over in their graves produce a palpable seismic activity.
     
     
"Oh, no, you don't, not in this house," I said through clenched teeth.
     
     
The ball of gum found a parking place in her cheek. "What's the matter, you prejudiced or something?"
     
     
"She really is eighteen," Art said quickly. "Carlie, show the lady your driver's license."
     
     
The child rummaged in her purse for an eternity. The license, if it existed, was far more evasive than the invitation.
     
     
"Just like I thought," I said quietly.
     
     
"Aha!" The girl had abandoned her pocket book and was feeling around the waistband of her tights. Her sweater, in case you were wondering was hiked shamelessly, the hem tucked beneath her chin.
     
     
"Carlie!" At least Art had the decency to be appalled.
     
     
I did him one better and looked away. When one is as easily offended as I am, there is no point in courting cardiac arrest. You'd be surprised what these peepers have been privy to in my capacity as proprietress.
     
     
"here it is," she cried triumphantly and thrust the plastic-covered document at me.
     
     
I took it gingerly. It was her in the picture, all right, and she was eighteen. She was also the only person I'd ever met who looked better on her license than in person. I made a mental note to consider immigration to South Carolina.
     
     
"Congratulations," I said, "but it doesn't change a thing. I am a God-fearing woman, and I won't have any hanky-panky under my roof."
     
     
Carlie looked to Art for clarification. "She has the same house rule as my folks," he said.
     
     
She lobbed the gum ball from cheek pouch to the other. "Oh, that. Man, this really reeks, Artie. You told me this was going to be a fun trip."
     
     
Art shifted from one foot to another. He looked at everyone around the room except directly at me.
     
     
"Maybe she'll let us have two rooms," he said to no one in particular.
     
     
"No can do," I
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