Dead Spots Read Online Free

she primarily worked alone in a back office. Physical complications from the birth had eaten her sick and vacation days since her maternity leave had been canceled due to Joshua’s death. Losing her job had only added to her feelings of worthlessness.
    Tanner had been next. When she’d been unable to shake off her depression, he’d grown weary and distant. And then he was gone. With him followed the support of most of his family, friends, and coworkers, except for Angie. Mackenzie soon realized she hadn’t truly built a life with Tanner, but had merely become a part of his. Once he was gone, her world had become a very dark place indeed.
    Mackenzie gestured toward the divorce decree. “I wish it hadn’t come to this.”
    â€œOnce Tanner makes up his mind, you can’t change it. I tried to talk him into giving it another shot with you, but…” Angie sighed.
    â€œHe met Darla.”
    â€œYeah.”
    Tanner’s carefree and almost reckless way of careening through life enabled him to easily move on. As quickly as he fell in love, he also fell out of love.
    â€œI just wish we could go back to the good times. Tanner and I were so happy together.” Mackenzie crossed her arms over her breasts, hugging herself. “Then Joshua died and Tanner just…”
    â€œMy brother doesn’t deal well with difficult emotional situations. He never has. Tanner likes to be happy and to have fun.”
    â€œI should have tried harder to not be so depressed.” Mackenzie folded the divorce decree and laid it next to Angie’s purse. “I let Tanner down.”
    Tanner had wept at her side when she’d delivered their dead child and over the tiny little coffin, but after the funeral he had shut off his emotions. Tanner had immediately tried to box up everything in the nursery and sell it. Mackenzie hadn’t been able to cope with that change and had fought him. Tanner had wanted her to get pregnant immediately, but she had been too sick physically and frozen with fear to even want to try. When she lay in bed sobbing, he had gotten up and slept on the sofa. If she was honest with herself, Tanner had emotionally abandoned her almost immediately. Yet, she couldn’t help but feel it was her fault. Her grief had driven him away.
    â€œI love you, Mackenzie, but my brother can’t be the man you need him to be. You need to wise up and see that truth, honey. I know he’s hurting in his own way, but he can’t deal with what you’re going through. That’s why he left you. I know it sounds like I’m making excuses for him, and maybe I am, but in my heart I know the divorce is better for both of you.”
    It was difficult for Mackenzie to accept that Angie was right. “I just don’t know how this all happened.” Mackenzie knew she sounded like a broken record, but couldn’t stop herself. “We were so happy and everything was perfect and then Joshua just died. How can the doctors not be able to tell me why he died? All those tests and no answers.”
    â€œSometimes babies just die, Mac. Joshua’s little heart just stopped and we don’t know why. Like Pastor Lufkin said, maybe Jesus just wanted another angel in heaven.”
    â€œThen I wish Jesus would have made another damn angel instead of killing my baby,” Mackenzie snapped.
    Immediately Mackenzie feared she had insulted her only remaining supporter in Shreveport. Maybe she should have tried harder to hide her pain, but it was so hard to maneuver through a life that should have contained her child. Even her body had been a constant reminder of her pregnancy. She had leaked milk for quite some time and her stomach was a road map of stretch marks from her baby bump. Yet, there was no baby to feed, or to hold.
    â€œNow that you say that, I can see how that sounds wrong,” Angie said finally. “It really, really does sound just