Confessions of a Call Center Gal: a novel Read Online Free Page A

with slight apprehension.
    Karsynn’s hand flies up in the air.
    He darts her a nervous glance. “Yes, Karsynn?”
    “Um, why do we have to sell? Shouldn’t that be the job of the marketing department? We are customer service agents; we are NOT sales agents,” she huffs and crosses her arms.
    “Yeaaaahhh! Um-hmmmm!” Everyone echoes her sentiments.
    Glenn responds like a preprogrammed robot, “Selling is still part of your job.”
    Tentatively, I raise my hand. “I’m sorry, Glenn, but if a ninety year old grandma has no idea how to use a computer and has no desire to, then I’m not going to push our DSL service on her. I just don’t think it’s right.”
    Glenn looks at me plaintively. “If you don’t pitch a sale, you’ll be marked down on the call in the event you’re monitored; and if you consistently fail your monitors, that can lead to termination. Understood?”
    I sink back and stew, burning with frustration.
    I can’t believe the security of my job is already hanging in the balance, my future here entirely dependent on how much I can sell. Pretty skewed terms if you ask me.
    I’ll do it. But I wish I could actually see the callers so I could do a *wink* *wink* *nudge* *nudge* and say, “This is all a ruse, DON’T DO IT! If you don’t have the funds to purchase a product or service, or if you don’t need it, don’t get suckered in. Caveat emptor! Let the buyer beware!”
    Meanwhile, Glenn is gripping the edge of the desk with such force that his knuckles are white. “Look, I am not the bad guy here.” He breathes out a weary sigh. “And neither is Lightning Speed Communications. This is reality. In the business world, it is all about sales. I don’t make the rules, that’s just how it is.”
    My expression softens. Aw, Glenn almost seems like a normal person now. Then gradually, his voice grows so eerily soft that I almost have to strain my ears to listen.
    Uh oh, not again!
    Glenn’s beady eyes fixate on us and his pupils dilate, swirling around and around in circles, like an evil Svengali. He chants in a hypnotic voice, “Always remember…service equals sales...the sale begins when the customer says ‘no’.”
    Overcome by fatigue and boredom, I momentarily lapse into a sort of hypnotic state as I stare at Glenn’s crazed yet magnetic eyes, entranced by his cult leader-like voice.
    Something stronger inside me takes over. Shaking my head, I snap myself out of the trance.
    Hah! I answer to no Svengali, and I refuse to be brainwashed.
    Despite Glenn’s efforts to blur the lines of distinction between service and sales, it is simply not working.
    I remain silent and skeptical.
    Service equals sales?
    What the hell is he talking about?
    Service equals service. Period .
    And when the customer says ‘No’, he or she means ‘No’. I’m sorry but ‘No’ does NOT mean ‘Yes’!
    Glenn is beginning to sound a bit like a rapist.
    The rapist pauses for a long minute, appearing to be deep in thought. Eventually, he says, “Now class, think of it this way—people will always buy whatever it is that they want to buy. All you need to do is make them want to buy it; that’s salesmanship in a nutshell. Make them want it badly enough. Make them desire it. Make them crave it. And you do this by selling the features, and by making it sexy . Sell them the feeling that they’ll get from buying that product or service, and always remember to make it sexy !”
    Glenn gives a crisp nod of satisfaction. “Now, do you get it?”
    That was bullshit. Well, it was pretty amusing, temporarily brow wrinkling, but bullshit nonetheless.
    Sell the feeling? Make it sexy???
    It’s not like we’re selling Marc Jacob purses, Balenciaga bags or Louboutin shoes here. We’re a DSL slash phone company!
    Glenn’s eyes shift across the room. “Do you get it?” he repeats.
    Silence ensues.
    I grudgingly acknowledge the sharp undercurrents of truth to what he’s saying. Of course I get it. I may not like it,