Confession Read Online Free Page A

fluent in the unspoken word.
    ‘Tell me what he said please.’
    ‘He said that we should begin lessons – ’
    ‘No, no, from the beginning, ’she insisted for in this respect my sister was like my father, always needing to have the whole story explained to her, never just one part of it, because parts only misled. ‘If one has never experienced the seasons,’ she explained ‘and was only told about Spring, Summer and Autumn, how would you know what to expect from Winter?’Winter was Emily’s favourite season. When the land was bare, when the trees and leavescrackled. She liked the ice on our windows which we scratched off with our fingernails. Emily came alive in the winter. ‘It is the season when everything begins,’ she said. ‘People think that is in Spring, but it is not. Winter is when the resurrection begins.’
    ‘Monsieur Heger,’ I explained, ‘was not the man we saw in the refectory our first night here. The one who read the
Lecture Pieuse
?’
    ‘The dull man?’
    ‘Exactly. This Monsieur Heger is remarkably different. He is younger than his wife, of that I am certain. And darker of complexion. He asked what I liked to read and I told him Byron, Cowper, Wordsworth – then he asked if I liked to read history or philosophy and I said I enjoyed both.’ Emily nodded her approval. ‘He asked what we were being taught, what we were reading during our lessons, he looked unamused when I gave him the name of the grammar we are studying.’ I said warming to my theme. ‘In fact his face went quite red and that is when he insisted we study with
him
.’
    ‘Every day?’
    ‘I hope so, yes.’
    ‘And it is just to be us?’
    ‘We are extremely privileged, Emily. I have heard some of the girls talking about him. He is a brilliant man, a
famous
teacher,’ I added then, without meaning to, I laughed out loud.
    ‘Shhhh,’ Emily whispered pointing to the curtain - and then a little louder, ‘Why are you laughing?’
    ‘I am excited. Aren’t you excited? We have wings Emily. Real wings.’
    ‘Strange creature.’
    I pulled a face.
    ‘Very strange creature – ’
    ‘He is…’ I searched for a good word to describe him but could only think of his voice. ‘Loud,’ I said. ‘And quite short and dresses in black.’
    ‘Like Celia Amelia?’ she snorted referring to one of father’s curates, Mr Weightman, whom she had given this nickname.
    ‘Nothing at all like Mr Weightman. Emily, my mind is so rusty I
need
this, I need something, some
one
who can fire me into thinking again.’ My head was clear as glass as I said this, each word sparkling.
    ‘You are happy,’ she said. ‘And I am happy for you.’
    ‘Yes,’ I murmured resting my head on my pillow and closing my eyes but I was too full of questions for sleep. Would it be different being taught by a man rather than a woman? Father had taught us but that was a long time ago and besides we were his daughters, his flesh and blood. On the other hand Monsieur Heger had trained as a teacher, no doubt spoke many languages, studied Latin and Greek, History, Literature, he was employed at the Athénée Royal. My mind darted from one subject to the next. I tried to calm down, to fall asleep but each time I closed my eyes I could feel the excitement rising inside me again. The drab woman who had once haunted my life had suddenly metamorphosed into a wondrous creature.
    That night I dreamt this creature escaped. It….
she
was a mixture of light and dark, ambition and purpose.
    When I caught sight of her I recognized her, she thrilled and repelled me, but the greatest of these was recognition.

III
    Six o’clock the following morning. The moon was an icy blur in the sky, a halo of milky white light that heralded in dawn. Monsieur Heger had done as he had promised and summoned Diana up for me. I lay in bed and smiled inwardly as the birds began to stir in the trees.
    Two hours later and Emily and I had risen from our beds, dressed ourselves quickly