out an undercooked piece of meat when she said the word, "but we have tried everything else, and these disturbances have gotten to the point where my husband and I genuinely fear for the safety of our child. If this doesn't work then we are likely going to have to move, and at a considerable financial loss. So."
I genuinely feared for the sanity of her child, growing up in this place. This lady as your mother was scarier than any ghost could possibly be. "Well we offer a money back guarantee," I said, though I had no idea if that was true or not.
"I don't want my money back, I want this whole fiasco to be over with."
I nodded, "well why don't you show me where the noises and whatnot are coming from."
"Very well." Mrs. Barlow led the way upstairs, her heels clicking and clacking on the shiny hardwood floor, and I followed behind. She took the first door on the left, in to a child's room, where son and Dad were playing with a model train.
"This is Layla, from Spiritual Dispersion Services," Mrs. Barlow announced to the room. "This is my husband Mr. Barlow," she said, pointing out the man.
"Donald," he got up and smiled and shook my hand. He seemed quite a bit more human than his wife.
"And our child Henry," Mrs. Barlow said.
Henry, all of five, dressed in little mini slacks and a button down, got up and shook my hand. "How do you do?"
I smiled, "I'm good, how about you?"
"I'm well," he said. "Are you here to get rid of the ghosts?"
I was pretty sure he spoke better English than I did. Poor kid. "I am indeed."
"I cant thank you enough for coming," Donald said, "we're at our wits end with this, it just keeps getting worse and worse and we don't know what to do. We called all sorts of building inspectors of course, our first thought was a faulty pipe, or some sort of rodent infestation, but there doesn't seem to be anything wrong with the house itself. And then stuff starts disappearing, or it's been moved without any explanation... well it's like something out of a movie isn't it?" He smiled, "but I guess this is all just a day's work for you huh?"
"Oh sure," I said, "I've seen it all. You wouldn't believe some of the crazy stuff these ghosts get up to." I smiled and winked at Henry, who was completely enthralled by all of it, but apparently too well trained to say anything when the grown-ups were talking.
"Well the main area of disturbance is Henry's closet," Mrs. Barlow said, walking over to it and opening it up. "Several things have gone missing, and there are quite a few noises, especially at night. Our bedroom is on the other side of the wall and we hear the noises as well."
I wouldn't normally have thought that stuff disappearing from a kid's closet would be cause for concern. I could swear my own closet growing up had had a black hole somewhere inside it, the way stuff was constantly disappearing from it. But Henry's closet was organized with military precision.
"Okay well I'll just throw a dispersion spell on the area and we should be done here," I said.
"That's all it takes huh?" Donald said.
"Seems awfully simple for two hundred dollars...," Mrs. Barlow said in a whisper I was meant to hear as she stepped back from the closet.
I couldn't get out of here fast enough. Now what was that damned latin phrase that Henrietta had taught me? It had sounded so much more authentic than the hocus pocus nonsense that I had been planning on using. Something something spiritus. I remembered spiritus because it was just spirit was an 'us' thrown on the end. Simple but vaguely authentic sounding.
"Something wrong?" Mrs. Barlow said.
She evidently knew the whole thing was fake, and I knew the whole thing was fake, so why couldn't she just let me get on with it? I glanced back at her, "no just preparing myself, focusing my energy and all that." I was just about to look back to the closet and phone this thing in with a couple of hocus pocus' when I saw a man, dressed in a black suit and tie so impeccable that it made