City of Shadows Read Online Free

sorry
? That wouldn’t cut it. Sorry was pathetic. Sorry didn’t bring him back, sorry didn’t remove the memories from my head or his, nor did it do anything to stop me wanting to take his draíocht again, because it had felt so damn good the first time, and what difference would it make? He was already mine. I couldn’t make it any worse.
    I gulped a few mouthfuls of my drink, hoping the alcohol would chase away all the wrongs.
    â€œ It’s okay.” He scratched absently at his head, fingers threading through his short locks, and then tucked his hands into his jeans pockets. “You’ve got to get your kicks somewhere.”
    I blinked. “What?”
    â€œI’ve had a lot of time to think about what happened. It was for the best. You need draíocht. It’s … natural, I suppose.”
    â€œNo.” I frowned, appalled that he’d associate me with the other fae working the club. “I’m not here for that.”
    â€œYou have to survive. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to live.”
    I leaned back against the wall and closed my eyes. This wasn’t Andrews talking; not really. Oh, he was in there somewhere, buried under the artificial need, but bespellment had a hold on him. He could have been trolling these bars for weeks, looking to get his fix of the fae who’d gotten under his skin—me.
    â€œDo you hear yourself?” I asked so softly that half of me hoped the thudding music would bury my words.
    When I opened my eyes again, he’d moved closer and now leaned a shoulder against the wall beside me. “I’m fine,” he said, but kept his hands tucked deep inside his pockets. “Really, Alina. I … I know what to expect. I’m not a naïve fae fan. I saw the signs in my sister. I know I’m bespelled, but the difference is that I can manage it.”
    My lips tightened into an uncomfortable smile.
You can’t manage bespellment. It manages you.
“No, you can’t. No one can.”
    He drew in a shaky breath and briefly let his gaze wander toward the crowd. “Look, I’m not hiding anything, okay? It’s not easy. Right now, I’m struggling to think much beyond wanting to touch you.” He shrugged his shoulders, drawing attention to his hands locked in his pockets. “But I am
thinking.
I’m still me.”
    Sorry.
That useless word was perched on the tip of my tongue again. Instead, I looked into his eyes, really looked. Was he really still in there, still in control?
    â€œWhy are you here?” I asked.
    â€œI …” He paused and gritted his teeth, flexing a jaw muscle. “There’s something I have to do. It’s not about you, though.”
    â€œThank you,” I said. It still sounded like sorry, and from the gentleness in his eyes he knew it too, but he understood, and to me that meant everything. “For being straight with me.”
    â€œWhat’s done is done. We—I just have to keep moving forward. I’m not about to let bespellment take me. I’m not that easy. I can speak to you and walk away. I don’t need you.” His smile this time was warm and real.
    No, he wasn’t easy. He was strong and intelligent and he deserved more from me than a cold shoulder.
    He pushed off the wall and merged with the crowd until I lost all sight of him among the herd of people and rippling lights.
    Good. That was good. He wasn’t as far gone as the girl in the alley. There was still hope for Andrews.
    I finished my drink, rolled the cool empty glass against my cheek, and closed my eyes. He might be managing his bespellment, but what he didn’t know was exactly how I’d imagined brushing my fingers across his hand and igniting that spark, drawing all of him into me exactly like before. I’d taken his draíocht to survive. I didn’t have that excuse again. These thoughts were toxic, but that didn’t stop me from