Chasing Lilacs Read Online Free

but the other half stood frozen, unable to think or move.
    “Gotcha.” A poke in my ribs startled me.
    I whirled around and faced Tuwana, her blue eyes as round as marbles.
    “Don’t scare me like that!” I glared at her.
    “Sorry. I thought you’d like some company.”
    “It’s not that. Right now I’m just a little bumfuzzled.”
    “Your mom. She’s going to be all right, isn’t she?” Tuwana cocked her head the way our dog Patch used to when he wanted to
     play.
    The world went into slow motion, Tuwana standing there waiting for an answer and me wanting to say,
Oh sure, any minute now she’ll be her old self.
    Instead of words coming out, tears trickled from my eyes. Blinking, I tried to hold them back, but they spilled out, running
     down my cheeks, tasting salty in my mouth and making my nose drip. Tuwana’s skinny arm wrapped around my shoulders, and together
     we walked to the porch. She pushed me into a sitting position.
    “So, tell me about your mother. When’s she coming back?”
    My eyebrows scrunched. “Three weeks. There’s a special doctor and something called ECT, whatever that is.”
    “Shock treatments. That’s what Mother says people get when they have a nervous breakdown.”
    “A nervous breakdown?” I looked hard at Tuwana. “Is that what you think? She didn’t go nuts and fly apart. Not even close.
     She took some pills.”
    “Maybe she did that before you found her. The flying apart thing.”
    “Are you crazy? Mama’s not like that.” Who did Tuwana think she was, scaring me like that?
    “I wonder how they do them.” Tuwana hugged her knees to her chest.
    “Do what?”
    “Shock treatments. Do you think they poke them with needles or something?”
    “Who knows?” My stomach got a sick feeling.
Shock treatments? Needles?
Whatever they were, they sounded awful.
    “Maybe they plunge them into tubs of ice water or hook them up to electricity.”
    “Stop it! Daddy said they don’t hurt.” My face felt hot. “Why would you even say such a thing?”
    “Don’t get your panties in a wad. I didn’t mean anything by it.”
    Gritting my teeth, I turned to Tuwana. “Daddy would’ve said if Mama had a nervous breakdown. He didn’t. She needs help, that’s
     all. Daddy wouldn’t lie about something like that.” My eyelid twitched, but I wouldn’t back down from looking at Tuwana. “I’m
     upset, and you would be too if it was your mother.”
    “You’re right. Sorry.” She looked away and then patted me on the shoulder. “Hey, I’d better go. Catch you later.”
    Being right didn’t change the sinking feeling I had inside. What if they hurt Mama? Shutting my eyes, I tried to remember
     her smiling and laughing, but nothing came. Squinching my eyes tighter, her arms and legs dangled like a rag doll, flashing
     like a jerky movie behind my eyelids. The way her hair hung over Daddy’s arm and her skin had the color of chalk flickered
     in and out of my head.
    I wrapped my arms around my knees and rocked back and forth on the porch steps. I tried to picture her in a frilly apron like
     Alice Johnson wore or combing my hair the way I’d seen Mrs. Johnson do with Tuwana and her sisters. No matter how hard I tried,
     the same pictures came. Mama curled into a ball in a dark room.Mama with her eyes wild, her robe hanging open.
Your fault. You should have
…
    Tears built up again and dropped on my legs. Only this time something had shifted in my head. Why couldn’t I have a normal
     mother? One who loved me the way Mrs. Johnson loved her girls. One who didn’t swallow a bottle of pills and get sent off for
     shock treatments.

[ THREE ]
    T HAT NIGHT DADDY CAME in late and slipped quietly into my room. Half-asleep, I mumbled, “How’s Mama? Is she mad at me for not staying home?”
    Daddy leaned over and tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear. “Not that I’m aware. Sleep tight.” His lips brushed my
     forehead, then he padded away in his stocking feet into