Carrying Hope Read Online Free

when he suggested that I take up cards again to pay the bills, but he knew I couldn’t. We’d had plenty of fights over the years about it, but I held my ground. I wanted to make him happy. I would do anything for him, except break that promise to my Nana.
    I started loading the clothes into the washing machine, separating the loads as I went.
    Kevin walked through the kitchen and grabbed a beer from the fridge without a word.
    For a moment, I pouted that he didn’t notice all of my hard work.
    “Well, what do you think?”
    “About what?” he asked, turning the TV on and kicking his feet up on the coffee table.
    “The kitchen! Didn’t you notice how clean it is?”
    His gaze never moved from the television.
    “Oh yeah. It looks nice, thanks.”
    I rolled my eyes, wondering why I even bothered to try.
    As I was tossing the last few things into the washer, something lacy caught my eye. I snatched it up, examining it closely. It didn’t look familiar to me: a bright blue lace thong, probably six sizes too small for me. My heart fell through the floor.
    “Kevin, what’s this?” I asked, holding it up for him. I was disgusted and hurt. My stomach churned at the betrayal.
    Not only did he bring another woman into our house, but she was obviously a vastly different body type than me.
    “Hmm?” He drank from his beer again, not bothering to look at me.
    Fury boiled in my veins. I’d just found evidence that he was cheating on me and he couldn’t even look away from Sports Center long enough to be embarrassed.
    “What the fuck is this?” I screamed, hysteria slipping into my voice. Tears clouded my vision, but I refused to let them fall. I wasn’t going to let him have that victory, too.
    He finally granted me the courtesy of his attention, turning slightly on the couch to look at me.
    “Oh, that,” he said sheepishly with a shrug.
    “Yes, that .” I said, tossing the lacy undergarment at him. He hadn’t touched me in weeks, but he was bringing some skank into our home ?
    “Well, you know… Just because you’re not putting out doesn’t mean I stop needing it.”
    I scowled at him. Never in my life had I been so close to physically harming someone as I was in that moment. I wanted to hurt him so much more than he hurt me.
    “Are you kidding me? You weren’t exactly making any moves. But you found the energy to make moves on some tramp.” My voice shook with rage. I couldn’t hold back my tears any more. I couldn’t believe that he cheated on me. I didn’t want to believe it.
    “She was hot. You’re well…” he gestured to me dismissively, “you’re you. Sorry, but I’ve never been much of a chubby chaser.”
    I felt like he punched me in the stomach. All of my biggest fears and insecurities were just laid out in front of me and made a reality. I wanted to escape. I wanted to get far far away from him. I thought again of my forty dollars and wondered if I’d be able to make it into enough for a hotel room for a few nights.
    “You didn’t seem to have a problem with me when I was cooking for you and cleaning up after you and doing everything but wiping your ass for you.”
    “Look, Marce, we have fun together, why are you making it so serious? Neither one of us wants to be tied down, right?”
    “Wrong. I thought we were in this together.”
    He gave me a pitying look like I was a wounded animal he had to put out of its misery.
    “Well, I’m sorry if you didn’t really understand how this was.”
    “For THREE YEARS, Kevin?” I screeched, looking for something else to hurl at his stupid face.
    He shrugged and turned back to the TV, leaving me to stew on my own. How could he be so flippant? How could he be so callous? How could I be so blind?
    I tried to think of an escape route. I didn’t really have any money. I didn’t have anywhere else to go. I didn’t have a job and now I didn’t have a boyfriend. Or I guess I never really had one to begin with. All I could do was sink down to