Cannibals in Love Read Online Free

Trapped in this car, with its religious icons hanging so limply. I knew I had to go. I knew I had to leave Don here, abandoned. We were just strangers, after all. What do you owe a man you hardly know? How do you stop yourself from fleeing another man’s suffering?
    â€œI won’t tell anyone about today,” I said. “No one will even know we didn’t work.” I immediately regretted saying this, but I couldn’t stop. “We can make it up tomorrow. I’ll be ready in the morning like always, if you wanna pick me up.”
    But Don didn’t answer. He didn’t do anything. He just stared out the windshield for a thousand empty yards. And when I saw he really wasn’t going to start the car, I finally let myself out. Leaving Don there, exactly that way.
    I walked away from the Civic and crossed the busy street at a jag, not willing to wait for the light. I hurried across the open parking lot to a block of pay phones outside the Tops. I needed the space between. I needed to move away from the OTB. I didn’t want to have to say that I was there. I didn’t want to have to talk about Don. I didn’t want to make up a story about these things yet.

 
    THE SUMMIT
    It was the limbo week between Christmas and the New Year, and the Sabres had just lost. They really should’ve won, too, but they didn’t. Up two goals in the third period, with ten minutes to go, but they lost. And now the whole night was fucked.
    Louis stood up and booed at the television in a horsey, exaggerated way until Cullen told him to stop. Louis sat back down and I could see that he was actually angry about this: one midseason hockey loss.
    â€œBad teams lose these games,” Cullen announced, almost smirkingly.
    â€œBad teams? Be serious. We were one game away from winning the Cup two years ago.”
    â€œTwo years! Time to flip your calendar, little guy. Those days are done.”
    Cullen was enjoying himself, taking it out on Louis, pretending he didn’t care just as much. For the last three days I’d felt this strange thing happening here. We’d always acted this way, but suddenly I was on the outside of it. It wasn’t that I was made to feel unwelcome so much as they just weren’t interested in crucifying me anymore. I was just a guest.
    â€œYou gotta be fisting me,” Louis grumbled to no one. “Every goddamn year. How does this shit keep happening to us?”
    I couldn’t help smiling. I’d barely been gone four months, yet somehow they’d invented a whole new way of speaking. Filthier, funnier, more oblivious.
    â€œYou see,” Cullen said to me drunkenly the night before. “Because instead of saying kidding me he’s saying—”
    â€œYeah, yeah, I get it,” I said, and Cullen smiled.
    *   *   *
    To be honest, I was still a little shaky from flying. I’d told my mother not to count on me for Christmas. They’d only just started rerouting flights over my house, in Washington, D.C., and the sound alone made my chest tight. I told her I was looking into bus tickets, or train schedules, or a ride share, maybe, but I wasn’t really planning on anything. I couldn’t care less about the school’s winter break. My idea was to just stay put: to remain in my own city; in my own neighborhood; inside my house.
    Then she sent me a plane ticket, and that was that.
    I took some comfort in the long lines at the airport. I’d never really seen that before. But when the line stopped for me, I was shocked. Shocked when they found a bike wrench in my backpack. Shocked by the way the TSA lady held it up. Even the man behind me turned away in embarrassment. I raised my hands and tried to accept the crowd’s guilt. I had forgotten it was there; I really didn’t know. I was very, very sorry.
    I barely protested when she moved to throw the wrench away. I stood still as she waved her magnetic wand