Cannibal Dwarf Detective: An Ephemeral Beardening Read Online Free

After
realizing it has no effect, he throws up. Seeing Jeac vomit causes Armando to
vomit as well. A real mess has been made of Armando’s desk. Armando stands up,
presses the button that lifts the hydraulic wall and proceeds to shove the
puke-covered desk out, where it falls five thousand feet below, crushing the
hot dog vendor they previously viewed in the film.
               
“Shit! That desk had the only button to operate the wall!”
               
Brandishing his extremely long pipe, he takes the curved end and reaches up
through the window of the wall and pulls it down. His pipe snaps in half like a
twig.
    Armando sighs. “…Second pipe this month.”
               
“Recollection, you said? No,” says Jeac, a dwarf who thinks recollection means
to re-collect things. “Look, boss… I can see that you’re stressed. At first I
thought being undercover just meant I could party all the time because no one
knew it was me! But now I know better. I’m a man with responsibilities, so I’ll
start the investigation as soon as possible.”
               
“You haven’t started investigating yet!? It’s been a week! Have you found
nothing?”
               
“Well, Sanders said something about something or other in regards to one of the
groups doing something with a thing, but I wasn’t really paying attention.”
               
“When did you see Sanders?”
               
“Just this morning when I-”
               
“You should have cuffed that slimy bastard when you had the chance, Jeac!”
               
“But Sanders is our informant…”
               
“Is he?” asks Alfonzo. “Ja-La Pe-Pe Ecko Sanders is wanted for selling military
grade weapons to seven year olds. Get back out there and haul his tentacled ass
in.”
               
Jeac leaves the office and shuts the door behind him. Armando lights up a
regular sized pipe, dims the lights and focuses a telescope back out the window
towards the theater screen, where he watches the part of the footage that he
didn’t show Jeac. The final moments of the film show his beloved Peruvian
raptor grabbing Jeac by the afro and swinging him up onto his saddle. Where
they went from there is anyone’s guess.

Part
VIII: Breaking Faces, Breaking Barriers

Chapter 6
               
After leaving Armando’s office, Jeac makes his way down the central stairwell
to the massive door that opens onto the Chandakan wastes. Every so often, as he
walks the burning sands of the outside world, he thinks about what might have
happened to the people before they moved from their now destroyed cities into
the central C.D.P.D tower.
    Sander’s cacti farm is three miles
east of the door, so Jeac has to walk through all sorts of abandoned
sand-covered ruins. Occasionally, he sees skeletons, rusted and destroyed cars,
and scavengers, who for some reason like to eat the bone marrow they find in
the desert. He’s never had any trouble with them though because, while he has a
gun, they carry only sticks.
               
Jeac closes his fat eyes, sucks in the air around him, and continues to venture
towards the East. However, forty minutes later when he opens his eyes he
realizes that he has walked way past the cacti farm.
    Jeac hears chanting nearby so he
scales the sand dune and looks down to see the R.B.G.O.A.T.s standing around a
large bomb-like contraption. One of the Goats stands atop the bomb and is
shouting, “We are the goats! We have built this bomb and we shall explode the
C.D.P.D!”
    His comrades cheer. The sand beneath
Jeac’s feet shift and he slides down the sand dune, slamming his head on a
jaggedly janky rock, causing him to black out. He awakens several hours later
in a daze.
               
“Crap, the farm!”
               
After walking the distance back to where the farm actually is, he finds the
place a mess. All of the