Buried in Sunshine Read Online Free

seems impossible. It is almost as if I get these
hooks buried into my skin and they pull me back. “I’ve tried to go
somewhere else…it just doesn’t work.”
    “Then that is another thing you should work on…”
Julie says as she fills out a short list and hands it to me. “You
have made great progress in the past six months. I just want you to
work on a few simple tasks. The first one being: Try getting out
more, small steps. I know it’s not an ideal beach, but I’ve been
told that it’s nearly indistinguishable from the ocean… Second: Try
and make contact with someone…anyone that could bring you the
slightest amount of happiness, and finally: Do something. Travel,
return to college. Work on something artistic—I know you say that
you have no ability but perhaps you just haven’t discovered your
talent yet. This last one you can take all the time you need—but
the first two…those are important first steps. Can you do this for
yourself?”
    I take the list and fold it up and place it in
my jacket pocket. I sit silently for a moment as I bite my bottom
lip apprehensively. “I’ll give it a try.”
    “Good.”
    “How do I meet someone?” I ask, genuinely
confused by this task. After all, if it were just that easy,
wouldn’t I already have met someone? I see people wandering the
streets on my way here, or in line waiting for my prescription at
the Walgreens. I see other troubled people in the waiting room as I
am leaving. None of these people seem remotely approachable to me
in the slightest bit.
    “You could try and volunteer somewhere—an animal
shelter perhaps. Do you like animals?”
    “I’m not particularly fond of them as pets or
being around them for that matter…” I say honestly. “They’re messy
and not as interesting as people make them out to be.”
    “Well then that is perhaps not your avenue,”
Julie says with a short pause as she attempts to think of something
more suitable. “Would you like to get a part time job somewhere?
That could be a great way to meet new people. From what I tend to
know, the easiest places to make friends are either through some
kind of volunteer group, work, or school.”
    “So it should be one of those then?”
    “It doesn’t have to be specifically,” Julie says
as she rubs her chin with the top of her silver pen. “You could
even take a chance and just approach the first person you find
attractive.”
    “I doubt that I could pull that off.”
    “Life will never surprise you unless you give it
a chance to.”
    “Did you read that off of a bumper sticker?” I
say rather rudely, and then ultimately end up feeling bad for
it.
    “I think in a book actually,” Dr. Riley says in
reply. Sometimes I forget that she is used to my snarkiness. “But
it is a valid statement.”
    “I think that I’m not an interesting person,” I
finally concede. “I look at myself and I see nothing redeeming. I
am not good at anything. I’m unusually critical of people. I’m even
kind of rude. I don’t mean to be—it is just that I don’t know how
to act or respond properly.”
    “Well then we will have to add that as number
four on the list: work on yourself and be happy with who you
are.”
    “I don’t think I’ll ever get to a point where
I’m happy with myself.”
    “That doesn’t mean that someone else will see
something within you and help you draw it out.”
    “I’m not saying I won’t try,” I whisper as I
sigh heavily. “I’ll do my best.”
    “Then that’s all I am asking for.”

    *

    I pass the beach on my drive home. I contemplate
stopping for a moment. It is a nice day after all. The midday sun
hangs brightly in the sky and envelopes me through my car windows
with the same familiar warmth that reminds me of being a part of
those I have lost. I pull into a parking lot. I stare for a moment
as the glittering water sparkles and the waves gently lap against
the tan sanded shore. For a moment I am overcome with sadness once
more for