Brains for the Zombie Soul (a parody) Read Online Free

our
son.”
    “Son?” I said, but the nurses rushed me out of
the room.
    “What would you like me to do?” asked the
doctor.
    “Save my son,” I said impulsively.
    I waited anxiously, wondering if I had made the
right decision. During one of my periods of sitting, pacing,
sitting, pacing, a man came in the room and sat next to me.
    The next time I sat, with my head in my hands,
he scooted up next to me and whispered, “I can help you.”
    “What?”
    “I can save your wife,” he said.
    I started to say, “How do you even know,” then
stopped myself. “Yes,” I said, just as impulsively as I had made
the previous decision.
    When the doctor came out, the mysterious man
told me to wait, then went into the room first. He came back out,
and said, “Okay.”
    My wife smiled at me as I walked into the room.
She was holding our new baby boy.
    As I held my son in my arms, I finally asked my
wife, “What did he do?”
    She looked sad for a moment. “I’m a zombie
now.”
    I breathed a sigh of relief. “That’s okay,” I
said. “I am so grateful just to still have you, and love you even
more for it.”

    (back to
TOC)

    ****

    Graduation
    There
comes a point in high school where parents just aren’t as
interested anymore. It’s another concert in another auditorium,
like the dozens of others they have been to.
    It’s not that they didn’t care. I knew they did,
and they were very proud of me. I talked about quitting orchestra,
and they talked me out of it. But I was the youngest of four kids,
and they were getting older, so I couldn’t blame them for not
coming to every single performance.
    I didn’t hold it against them. And I always had
family support. My older sister, Sarah, never missed a performance.
She was always in the front row, for concerts, events, awards
ceremonies, anything that I did.
    Except for the last concert of my senior year.
When I peeked out from behind the curtains, my dad was there (it
was my last concert, after all), but the seats next to him were
empty. At first I thought that maybe Sarah was in the bathroom. Or
maybe she was driving separately and was just late.
    It was probably the worst performance of my
life. I kept looking around my violin to that empty seat. I
couldn’t concentrate on the music. When it remained unfilled, I
started to look at my dad. He looked sad and agitated, and his eyes
were all red.
    After the performance, I quickly grabbed my case
and coat and ran out to meet him. Before he could tell me that I
did a good job, the words were out of my mouth. “Where’s
Sarah?”
    “Come on,” he said in a tired voice. “Let’s go
see her.”
    On the way to the hospital, he told me what
happened. As they were getting ready to leave, Sarah collapsed.
They called an ambulance and took her to the hospital. The doctor
explained it was a late stage of cancer, and there wasn’t much they
could do.
    We got to the ICU and waited in the lobby
forever. Finally the doctor came in. “I’m not sure how she got this
far without any symptoms, but I don’t know if she’ll make it
through the night.”
    “What about zombies?” I asked quietly.
    “What?” asked the doctor.
    “She’s young, she never got a chance. Can we
make her into a zombie so she can keep going on?”
    The doctor said he’d be right back. He lied. He
was gone for about two hours, but he did finally come back.
    “Okay,” he said. “If that’s what you want, we
can do that.”
    I looked at my parents and brothers hopefully.
Both of my brothers nodded their heads in agreement.
    “What do you think, honey?”
    “I think Sarah deserves another chance.”
    When I graduated two weeks later, as I walked on
the stage to receive my diploma, I looked to the front row. And
there, smiling back at me, was my sister Sarah.

    (back to
TOC)

    ****

    Friends & Enemies

    The Unemployment Line
    Like many zombies in this economy, after
my transition to the undead, I lost my job.
    I had been an accountant at the firm