me.
Miri. His presence grew achingly soft. Warmth blasted into my chest, affection, making me close my eyes, pulling on me. Miri, gods, Miri. I––
I could feel what he was about to say, and I shook my head.
No. Don’t say it. I gritted my teeth. Don’t say that to me when you’re thousands of miles away and sending me trinkets with your vast millions of dollars, just to shut me up...
That’s not why. That’s not why!
Then why? What do you want from me? Feeling my anger harden, I thought about Nick again, deliberately thinking about that kiss, about how good it had been, the fact that just that afternoon, Nick had been feeling me out for more than just a drunken kiss. Feeling the intensity of Black’s reaction somewhere in the background, even as he tried to keep it from me, I realized I was trying to hurt him, trying to shove him away from me.
Or maybe trying to bring him back.
Miri, he began. Gods, Miri. You’re driving me fucking crazy. You must know. You must know how I feel about you. How much I––
But I still couldn’t hear it.
Go away, Black, I sent coldly.
He fell silent. I clenched my jaw harder.
Just leave me alone and go away, I sent. Please.
That time, after what felt like a really long pause...
He did.
I FELT BAD about what I’d said to him later.
I felt bad, I saw how crazy I was acting, how I wasn’t being reasonable.
So when they offered me a place on the couch, I told them I was going to take a cab home and come back in the morning.
Nick frowned. From his expression, he maybe even guessed what I was thinking.
Or maybe... probably... I just read into the look he gave me to a ridiculous degree.
Either way, I didn’t budge on leaving. I promised all of them that I’d be back in the morning before they woke, and that I’d be there when they came down to open their presents. I promised Nick and Angel first, but I didn’t see Nick relax until he saw me saying it to his kid nieces.
It’s one thing to lie to adults, but Nick knew I’d never lie to those kids.
So I called a cab, and sat on the porch with Nick and Angel, sharing sips off a bottle of tequila Nick opened while we waited for the cab company to wade through the dozens of drunken calls they’d already gotten. Almost an hour had passed before it was finally my turn on the queue and a bright green cab pulled up to the curb.
“You really don’t have to leave, Miri,” Nick told me, grabbing my hand as I stood up from the porch steps. “There’s plenty of room. Really.”
That time, maybe because he’d drunk enough, I felt the heat behind the request. I also felt the extra pressure on my fingers as he held on to me a few seconds too long.
I almost wondered if Angel noticed too, since she cleared her throat, looking away as she took another swig off the half-finished bottle, her expression neutral.
I disentangled my hand from his gently.
“I need to go home, Nick,” I said. I smiled at him. “But I’ll be here bright and early to help you fine-tune that hangover. And I’ll bring coffee.”
He grunted, smiling, but I saw the tautness behind it.
Briefly, I almost wondered if he’d ask me about Black.
He didn’t though. He just watched me until I walked to the curb and opened the cab door.
HE MUST HAVE been listening. Watching at least.
I went home and took a shower, then crawled into bed without bothering to get dressed. I lay there, under the covers, naked with wet hair, when I felt Black’s presence cautiously pooling around me again.
Something about the way he did it felt almost like asking permission.
You’re not going to open any presents from me, are you? he sent softly, after I exhaled, making it clear I knew he was there. Not even one? Not even if I ask?
No, I sent.
Even so, I felt the part of me that had already softened.
Some deeper, less conscious part of me had already relaxed; it couldn’t help but relax once I felt him with me. I wasn’t sure if that irritated me more than it