say at the same time.
âThatâs all great advice,â I tell them. âIâm just not sure I really want to sing anymore, is all.â
âWhat are you talking about?â asks Mom. âOf course you do! Youâve been singing since you could barely walk, and you talked about this Big Time audition for months.â
âYeah, and look how that turned out,â I say. âNo offense, guys, but I donât really want to talk about this anymore. Is it okay if I go hang out in my room? I just want to be alone for a while.â
âOf course you can, sweetie,â says Dad.
âTake the flowers with you,â says Mom. âTheyâll help cheer you up.â
I grab the vase and bring it upstairs to my room, placing it on my dresser and stopping for a minute to stare at the old album covers I have stuck on my wall. Loretta Lynn, Patsy Cline and Marla Belle Munro stare out at me, all big hair and bright eyes and wide smiles, hanging on to microphones like their lives depend on it. I wonder if anyone ever told them they were boring, that they lacked stage presence. Somehow I doubt it.
I grab my laptop from my desk and flop onto my bed. I notice right away that I have a friend request and a new message. Itâs from Poppy.
Hey you! Hopefully this is Gerri Jones from the Big Time auditions, otherwise ignore this message because Iâll sound like a crazy person! How did your audition go? I asked a production assistant in the waiting area, but she told me they couldnât give me any info about other contestants. Guess what? I made it! Iâm flying to Toronto in a week for sudden-death round. Eek! Anyway, holla at me when you have a minute. Kisses! Poppy.
Iâm not surprised that Poppy made it. Not only does she have a killer voice, but sheâs got me beat hands down when it comes to stage presence. Iâm sure she was able to waltz into the audition room and shine that big smile at the judges and convince them that sheâs got what it takes for Big Time, maybe even to go all the way. Iâm not jealous, exactly. Iâm really happy for Poppy, but I canât help wishing I had her star quality. I guess some of us are born for the stage and some of us arenât.
I send her back a quick note, congratulating her and telling her my own news. She replies almost instantly.
They donât know what theyâre missing, Gerri. Youâll just have to come back next year and show them how wrong they were. Wish me luck and promise youâll meet me for coffee when I get back to town. Itâll probably be sooner than later haha! Xoxo. P.
Iâm supposed to call my friend Meg and fill her in on how the audition went, but I donât feel like going over everything yet again. Instead I just lie on my bed, staring at the ceiling. I know my parents are right, that real musicians work really hard to be good at what they do. The thing is, Iâve been watching Big Time religiously since I was seven years old, and I know enough to realize that when someone comes in with enough raw talent, the judges will snatch them up and teach them how to work hard and get where they need to go. Iâve been waiting patiently for the day I became old enough to audition, preparing for the moment when Iâd finally get to prove myself, and now that moment has come and gone. Iâve missed my big opportunity.
Now Poppyâs about to be whisked away to Toronto, to the stage Iâve imagined walking onto for years, and Iâm at home in my room. It was nice of Maria Tillerman to give me some words of encouragement, but I know Iâll never try out for Big Time again. Iâd have to be able to show up next year and convince them that Iâm a totally different person. It doesnât matter how much practicing I do between now and then, Iâm never going to be what they want me to be.
Chapter Five
Meg comes running up to my locker the next morning before