distaste. Or worse, smile understandingly. Pityingly.
I pulled at my lower lip. âWe donât know for sure heâs gay,â I said lamely.
Sebastian snorted. âHeâs as queer as you are, and you know it. But thereâs no point sweating it; the man couldnât fuck if he wanted to.â
âWhat dâyou mean?â
âBaby, baby, you shouldâve paid attention in catechism class instead of playing with your little pee-pee. First week in the seminary, priests get their dicks cut off. The gay ones, they take their balls, too. They got this instrument like a giant nail clipper, machete blades with a spring. Whack! All off, right down to the pubes. They just leave a little hole so they can pee.â I digested this information in silence as he worked the key into the door, grinning at me over his shoulder. âThink about it. Two holes. Two really tight little holes. You and me, doing him. Doing him till he cries, then shooting in his ass, shooting in his bladder .â His tongue came out and lapped the air. âYum.â
I slapped his own crazy ass into the hallway. âYouâre a deeply disturbed man, Sebastian.â
âWhy you love me, kochanie . Itâs why you love me.â
I cradled the beer against my chest and gave the bathroom door a thump. I did it again, and Sebastian shouted something I didnât catch over the rumble of the shower.
James had arrived early. He stood in the living room, leafing through an old copy of Polska . He looked good, the outline of his torso and a shadow of hair just visible under a cream linen shirt, but the thought of him naked made my guts flip. Naked and reaching for us, stiff cock swaying above low-slung, semen-rich balls. Pointless balls. Weâd asked him once whether celibacy extended to masturbation, and heâd flushed, hadnât answered. Sebastian, being Sebastian, had persisted. âYou must do it, yes? How can you not? You are what, thirty? You are young, not old like the other priests.â
Weâd spun a fantasy when heâd gone. James in his lonely bed. Arms bent up under the pillows to keep his hands off his prick. A sudden flexing, the cottony brush of the sheet and his stifled groan. Because despite his prayers, the punishing penances, his body rebelled, craved what was eternally forbidden to him. Loving words in the night. The sandpaper scrape of a jaw, but the tongue soft in his mouth. The male fist tight on his cockâ
âPolish is one hell of a language,â he said, folding the newspaper.
âYou can read some now?â
âA few words here and there. Thanks. Cheers.â
â Na zdrowie . You know, is the same when we learn English, at first is very hard for usââ He wasnât listening. He was staring, slack-jawed, at something behind me.
I spun on my heel. Sebastian was lounging in the doorway, naked but for a towel around his neck. His erect cock jutted, as hard and aggressive as a rhino horn. âHello, James,â he said pleasantly.
âJezus ,â I croaked. â Co ty do cholery robisz ?â
His smile broadened. He beckoned me abruptly. â Zamknij siÄ. Chodź tutaj .â
Dumbfounded, I obeyed and crossed the room to him. He caught me in his arms and turned me and kissed the side of my neck. My loverâs eyes are neither blue nor green but a changeable shade on the cusp of both. When heâs aroused, the irises rim the pupils like shards of aquamarine. I knew what those eyes would be doing to James.
âYou are well, my friend?â His fingers moved deftly on the buttons of my shirt.
James raised his head. His color had drained but his gaze was steady, and in a cold corner of my mind I thought, Atta boy . He spoke quietly, without emphasis. âYou trying to shock me, Sebastian? Outrage a priest? Is that what you want?â Amusement bubbled in Sebastianâs voice. â Outrage? What
is that? I want nothing.