Barfing in the Backseat Read Online Free Page A

one of nature’s most complete foods?” she said after my dad read the description on the Internet of the Buzz Haven Honey Farm and Snooze Inn. “We owe it to ourselves to pay a visit to a bee farm, especially since honey contains so many necessary proteins, vitamins, minerals, and beneficial fatty acids.”
    “Vitamins, schmitamins,” Papa Pete said. “Pollen, schmollen. Give me a good dill pickle any day. One with a real garlic
va-voom
.”
    When my dad read that you could stay overnight at the Buzz Haven Honey Farm and Snooze Inn, my mom made him call right then and there to make a reservation.
    “Stan,” Papa Pete said as my mom brought out dessert. “I have another suggestion to make,if you don’t mind my butting in.”
    “Butt away, Papa Pete,” I said, answering for my dad, who was dishing out the Rice Dream Supreme, which my mom actually believes she can pass off to us as ice cream.
    “Well,” Papa Pete began. “I happen to have read in
Fun Trips for Active Seniors
magazine that there is a stand in Philadelphia called Pat’s that sells the best Philly cheesesteak on the planet.”
    “Way to butt in, Papa Pete!” I yelled. “That can be the family choice.”
    “Like Mom is really going to eat grilled meat and Cheez Whiz,” Emily said, killing the fun as only she can.
    “I’m sure I can put something healthy to-gether,” my mom answered. “I’ll just order a cheesesteak without the meat. Or the cheese. Or the bread. I could always have a nice glass of water and a side of onions.”
    “Randi, I don’t know how you got to be my daughter,” Papa Pete said, wiping some Rice Dream Supreme off the tip of his bushy mustache. “The only way I eat grilled onions is when they’re smothering a Polish hot dog.”
    “Well, I wouldn’t mind giving a Philly cheesesteak a try,” Frankie said.
    “So it’s settled, then,” my mom said. “Everyone has their choice, and the
family
choice will be Pat’s.”
    I was getting to like this road trip more and more. It sounded like it was going to be a total blast. I looked down at the brown, melting lump of I-don’t-know-what in my bowl, and even
it
started to look delicious. In my mind, I could see a roller coaster car climbing up one side of the scoop, barely making it to the top, then barreling down the other side. Rice Dream Supreme never looked so good.
    “There’s one more thing,” my dad said, putting down his spoon and clearing his throat. Uh-oh. He had that look in his eye. The look that says, “Warning! You will find no fun living inside me.”
    “I got a call from your teacher today, Hank,” he began. “It seems she’s given you a rather substantial homework packet to complete over the vacation.”
    Ms. Adolf, why are you following me here to the dinner table? Don’t you have anythingbetter to do than to make my life miserable?
    “Stay cool, Zip,” Frankie whispered to me. “And remember to breathe. Oxygen is power.” Frankie’s mom, who’s a yoga teacher, taught him that, and it works for me most of the time.
    I took a deep breath, then flashed my dad a very sincere and gigantic smile.
    “No problem, dude,” I said to him.
    I thought my dad’s eyes were going to pop out of his head.
    “Dude?”
he said.
    “Dad, I mean. No problem,
Dad
. Not dude. I’m on top of that packet.”
    “Yeah, but sitting on it doesn’t count,” Emily piped up. “I saw it lying beneath your underpants in your suitcase. You haven’t even opened it.”
    “First of all, what was your nosy nose doing in my suitcase? And second of all, I only got it today,” I snapped. “Just because I’m not like you and I don’t do my homework on the walk home from school is no reason to bark at me. That’s Cheerio’s job.”
    Frankie and I both laughed. I have to admit, I crack myself up sometimes.
    When Cheerio heard his name mentioned, he spun in a circle under the table and started licking my ankle. Without anyone seeing, I slipped him a big spoonful of