Bad Chili Read Online Free Page B

the thermometer in my mouth, I could smell the sweetness of her perfume, see the swell of her breasts against her uniform. I guess it had been too long, because just the smell and sight of her gave me an erection. I lay there embarrassed, glad I was covered by a sheet and blanket. I felt kind of sleazy and satisfied at the same time. It’s a boy thing.
    After a few moments she reached for the thermometer and gave my nostrils another treat. She examined the thermometer, shook it, and smiled.
    “Well, that looks okay. No fever. According to your chart, you’re due another shot in the morning. Says you were bitten by a rabid animal.”
    “A squirrel.”
    She smiled. She had a beautiful smile. It was almost a night light. “No shit?”
    “Well,” I said, “it was a big squirrel.”
    She laughed.
    I said, “Do you think you could take this glucose business, or whatever this is, out of my arm? I don’t need it. I’m just here for shots, and the insurance won’t cover it I do it as an outpatient.”
    “Honey,” she said, “I’ve been there myself, but I can’t take anything out of your arm, not even a knife. Not without permission. But, you know, it could come loose.”
    She reached down and pulled loose the tape that held the needle in my arm. She pulled the needle out and smiled at me again.
    “Oops, little sucker slipped out,” she said.
    “Good to see someone that likes their job,” I said.
    “Oh, I hate this crap,” she said, and sounded like it.
    “Really?”
    “No, I’m lyin’. Sweetie, there ain’t nothin’ I like better than pourin’ shit out of bedpans. Unless it’s givin’ an enema or puttin’ a catheter in some ole boy’s dick.”
    That made me blush, but she certainly didn’t seem embarrassed. Cussing seemed to be her life.
    “You seem happy enough,” I said.
    “It’s smile or die, darlin’.”
    “Then why do you do this?”
    “’Cause I’m divorced and the landlord won’t fuck me for the rent.”
    I laughed and she laughed.
    She said, “You didn’t tell me your name.”
    “Hap. Hap Collins.”
    “I’ll see you, Hap Collins.”
    “I certainly hope so, Brett.”
    “I might even get to give you your shot.”
    “Oh boy.”
    “In the ass, if you’re lucky.”
    “Double oh-boy.”
    She turned off the light, and I watched her crisp white uniform move through the darkness. Then she was gone and I was left again with the rain, the scent of her perfume, my thoughts and the absence of her smile.
    As for thoughts, my ass was my major concern. So far the shots, one deadener and one rabies, had been given to me in my arm, but what if she did give it to me in the ass? Leonard had made fun of my ass. Suppose he was right? What if I had the ugliest ass in the world? What if it and my bald spot were both shiny and white beneath the glare of the hospital light? I mean, I rolled over and she got a look at my ass and the bald spot on top of my head, would she bolt? Or would she think they were sort of coordinated, like the correct pants with the correct hat?
    I went to the bathroom and combed my hair, but I still had a bald spot. I wasn’t silly enough to try and comb hair over it from the side. I mean, boy, does that look natural. It was sort of like wearing a sign that screamed I’M NOT ONLY BALD, BUT LOOK HOW STUPID I AM. Besides, my hair was cut too short to do much with it anyway. I wondered if my insurance covered hair transplants.
    I went back to bed and did a few buttock-tightening exercises, but just a few. Hell, I had five days before Brett might give me my second rabies shot. I didn’t want to overdo it.
    I listened to the rain for a time, then rolled over, turned on the light, and tried the phone. Leonard’s number rang and rang, but he didn’t answer.
    I lay on my back and thought about Leonard for a while, wondered where in hell he might be. When I wore out that line of mental inquiry, I started thinking about Brett. I wondered where she lived and how she lived and