Bad Bridesmaid Read Online Free

do in aeroplane bathrooms.
    ‘Not my type,’ I insist to Ethan.
    ‘Your type isn’t gorgeous and crazy for you?’
    ‘Nah,’ I reply with a laugh. ‘You might be into that weird stuff, but I’m not.’
    ‘You like a bad boy?’ Ethan asks.
    ‘I do. I like them manly and dangerous looking. Rough and ready, heartbreakingly handsome, could have any girl they wanted – that’s my type.’
    ‘So you like the chase,’ Ethan concludes. ‘You reel them in and then you throw them back.’
    ‘Well, you know, if we’re sticking with the fish metaphor, you kill them when you catch them. What would I want with a dead fish? I just chuck them back, leave them for someone else to suffocate.’
    ‘Mia, honey, you are a case study waiting to happen.’
    ‘Why thank you,’ I reply proudly.
    As the in-flight movie starts playing, Ethan and I – or the plane pals as we’re now known – both reach for our headphones. It’s some weird animated movie and all the characters are things you would find in the bathroom. I watch Ethan recoil in horror as he watches a talking toilet brush chatting with a “sexy” loofah with long eyelashes and lipstick.
    ‘What the hell?’ he asks me, before standing up in his seat and addressing the entire plane. ‘Can we get something with Ryan Gosling on please?’ he yells to no one in particular. Most of the female passengers find this utterly charming (they’re clearly Gosling fans) and applaud Ethan’s bold move.
    ‘Sir, if you’d like to sit down,’ the sexy cabin crew guy insists firmly.
    ‘Yeah, sit down,’ I whisper to Ethan as I pull him back down by his arm. ‘It’s not worth getting wrestled off a plane for Ryan Gosling – unless Ryan is the one doing the wrestling.’
    ‘Aw, would you miss me, plane pal?’ he teases me.
    ‘I would actually, because for the first time in days you have managed to stop me stressing about having to go to this wedding.’
    And now I’ve just reminded myself again…
    ***
    As we touched down on English soil everyone applauded the pilot for doing what he does every day of his working life. He’s landed the plane, we’re all alive, it’s a miracle, applause, applause. In a new twist, Ethan started throwing the sick bag confetti in the air – something that landed us absolutely filthy looks from the crew as we left the plane. I did still get a wink from the cabin crew cutie though.
    I know it’s just a weird coincidence, but the more I tried to keep my mind off the wedding, the more things would crop up to remind me exactly what would be waiting for me when I got off the plane. The funniest of all was when the second in-flight movie turned out to be one of mine – and a wedding flick, no less. As Ethan gushed over the male lead, I decided it best not to tell him I had a hand in writing it, because I imagine it would take the shine off it a little.
    After going through the usual airport motions without a hitch – which is surprising, considering Ethan told a hot policeman he had twenty grams of cocaine hidden in his rectum – I followed my sister’s ridiculously detailed itinerary down to the letter and made it safely onto my Cornwall bound train.
    With four hours down and just one to go, I know it won’t be long now until I arrive. My sister and her hubby-to-be will be waiting for me on the platform and then there really will be no turning back. I’ll be in captivity and my sister will be my keeper – my sister who has told me that all wedding-based celebrations will not be optional.
    To take my mind off where I am heading, I grab one of the trashy celebrity magazines I picked up at the train station. Unless their fame makes it across the pond, I don’t know very much about what is going on in UK celeb culture, so reading about people from the likes of The Only Way Is Essex, Geordie Shore and Made In Chelsea do little to hold my attention. Reality TV inspired fashion is certainly a big hit here, though. I’ve only been home a