couldn’t. I’m a lot of things, but I’m no liar.
“I’ll destroy you,” I said. “I’ll take the one thing you’ve got to give, and I’ll drink it up like a desert drinks the rain. I’ll ravage you till you beg me to stop. And then, just when you think you can’t take anymore, I’ll ravage you again.”
I’d given her fair warning. If she still wanted my help, it was on her now. I’d told her I’d take everything she had. But I hadn’t told her the one thing I wanted most. I hadn’t told her she’d give me a son.
She looked at me. She looked around the bar. She turned and looked back at the door, weighing the alternative. Then she answered.
“I don’t have a choice,” she said. “You can take what you want. You can use me to the last drop. Just help me.”
“All right,” I said. “But when the dust settles, remember it was you who came to me.”
“I’ll remember.”
“And I warned you.”
“I won’t forget it.”
“You asked if I’m a good man. The truth is, I’m not a good man. I’m bad. Bad to the bone.”
Chapter 4
Faith
W HAT I’M ABOUT TO TELL YOU, it isn’t pretty.
Can I adequately explain it? No.
Can I put it in a way that will make me come across as anything other than a complete whore? I doubt it.
But the truth is more important than perceptions, and the truth is what happened to me, the decisions in my life that led to that fateful night, and the consequences I’ll have to live with till the day I die.
So, the truth.
The truth is, I’d been standing in that motel parking lot for over an hour when Jackson pulled in. I had no idea where I was. All I knew was that I was still in Nevada, and that wasn’t far enough.
It was raining and I was soaked to the skin. I was shivering. I had nowhere to go, no one to turn to. I took shelter under a big sequoia and watched the men who came and went from the bar.
I’d know him when I saw him —that’s what I told myself. I just had to wait. God would help me. He had to.
And all I had to do was throw away everything I’d ever hoped for, sacrifice myself on the altar of fate, and pray I didn’t get into something even worse than the life I was trying to escape.
It sounds crazy, and maybe it was, but until you’re in that situation, you can’t understand the fear that led me to that parking lot.
Wolf Staten was a powerful man. A ruthless man. He made the rules, and my job was to obey. Earlier that night, he’d told me he was going to lock me up in a secret apartment of his villa. No one but him would ever be able to look at me again. He said it was because he loved me so much, because I was so precious to him.
And a part of me wanted to believe him. As a girl I’d always dreamed of being someone’s princess, of being so desired by a man that he couldn’t bear the thought of other men looking at me. But my life with Wolf wasn’t that. The way he treated me was not the way a prince treated a princess. The longer I stayed, the worse it got. The jealousy and possessiveness eclipsed all else. The violence finally knocked reality into me. There was no room for love in that place. Even locked inside a prison, he’d find reasons to punish me, to brutalize me. And if I ever had his child, that baby’s life would be a living hell.
That’s what gave me the courage to take my life into my own hands. Scarcely two hours earlier, I slipped out of the party he threw in my honor. It was supposed to be my farewell to the world, the last time anyone but him would ever see me.
Fuck. That.
Fuck all of them.
Everyone at that party, all twelve members of Los Lobos, all our so-called friends, knew I was going to be locked up forever. And none of them even batted an eye. None of them raised a finger. In fact, they approved of it. Such was life with Los Lobos. I’d heard rumors before of the men locking away their families, treating their women like prisoners and slaves. I’d refused to believe it. Now I knew it was true. Wolf