Asimov's SF, February 2010 Read Online Free

freely,” Odion said. He scowled at Njeri. “You're treating her differently because she's a woman, because you knew her before the wall."
    There was truth to that, but Njeri did not retract her offer. Kanika stared into the stone. “So pretty. Light without shadows. I could swallow it, and drift away from my pain."
    "You would have no way to return, if you changed your mind,” Njeri said.
    Kanika smiled, but her eyes were sad. “I speak of escape, but that has never been my way, you know that. Holding life at such a distance would be like not living at all, too big a price to pay."
    Odion reached for the mindstone, to take it from her, but she closed her fingers over it.
    "I may not be able to use the stone,” she told him, “but I cannot give it up. It is my light, and I carry much darkness."
    Heat rose from the cracked-mud earth. The stars winked in and out of existence at the edge of Njeri's senses, their light distorted by miles of wavering sky. Beyond the thatched rooftops of the village, rolling hills of dry grass stretched into the darkness. Kanika leaned against Njeri as they walked across the village to the healer's hut.
    "I wish I could go home,” Kanika said. “I want to pull into myself and sleep. I feel like I could sleep forever."
    "Your punishment is ended. You could leave for home tomorrow, if you wished,” Njeri said, but she hoped that Kanika would stay.
    "Ended? The wall was the worst, Njeri, but my punishment will last until I die. Anyone who sees my skin will know that I hung on the wall. Do you think people will forgive me? Embrace me into their lives?"
    "Any man worth having would want you still,” Njeri said. “Or any woman."
    Njeri couldn't read Kanika's expression. Was there interest there?
    "You don't know what it's like to be up on the wall. The things I saw...” Kanika brought her hand to her heart, digging her fingers into the fabric of her shirt to press against the seams in her skin.
    "Dreams from the mindstone. Many of my patients have spoken of such visions."
    "No. There is only truth on the wall,” Kanika said. “I thought, before I went on the wall, that I wouldn't have shadows. But I was only adding self-deception and arrogance to the list of my flaws.” Her words came in a steady stream, with only the barest pauses for breath. “No one can understand me, not with these scars. Not because of how I look, but because I know my shadowself."
    Kanika fell silent as they approached a cluster of Bahtir's guardsmen. Normally they patrolled the periphery of the village in pairs, so it was unusual to see them gathered in the road. Several men shook their shields, zebraskins stretched taut over oval frames. Strands of human teeth hung below and rattled as the shields moved. One man ran his fingers over the tigers-eye clasp that held his threadbare orange cloak closed, and another tapped the butt of his spear against the dirt. The guardsmen were on edge tonight.
    One of the men stepped forward to stop the women, then recognized Njeri and saw Kanika's scars. He signaled to the others, and the entire group turned and headed back toward the guardhouse, a large clay-brick building at the outskirts of the village. When they had gone, Kanika pulled out her mindstone. In the moonlight there were no rainbows, only swirls of a silvery blue. “This is what I thought I was. I was so foolish."
    "That is as much a part of you as the shadows are,” Njeri said.
    "We all have darkness,” Kanika said.
    Njeri had heard this from many of her patients. It was a source of great comfort for them to think that they were not alone in having shadows. Sometimes Njeri wondered if there was truth in their assertion. There was no way to know; the innocent weren't sentenced to hang on the wall. “You've lived your life well, despite your darkness. Doesn't that give you some comfort?"
    "No, don't you see? We all have darkness. All of us,” Kanika pulled away. “The wall is pointless. You torture people for no