Around the World in a Bad Mood! Read Online Free

and amount of lipstick she wore could be seen in Montana.
    3. “Earrings cannot be larger than a quarter.” (Did she say earrings or earnings ?)
    4. “Hair cannot fall below the collar. And by the way, never have your top collar button unfastened, even if it is one hundred and ten degrees on the airplane and you feel like you are going to pass out from heat exhaustion. Shirts not properly buttoned look cheap and unprofessional. So what if you’re hot?”
    5. “Nylons, not tights, must be free from runs and worn at all times, except during an evacuation, when they should be removed because they are highly flammable and will melt onto your legs.”
    6. “Never leave the galley without a coffeepot in your hand and a smile on your face. A smile is the most important part of your uniform. You see, passengers have to buy their tickets, but our smiles are free. . . . You betchya!”
    She then went on to explain the importance of shoes and that they had to have a certain heel size (flats are not allowed and all shoes must have between a two- and four-inch heel). “Now we want our employees to shine from head to toe, so be sure you always have your shoes shined—that means always carrying a tin of shoe polish in your tote. Our appearance checkers are stationed around the airport, and they will do surprise shoeshine inspections. And every few months we’ll have a shoeshine contest. The winner of the contest gets a five-dollar gift certificate to the employee cafeteria, so get out there and shine!” How inspiring.
    â€œAnd now I am very pleased to present the Singing Supervisors.” With that she left and in came eight impeccably groomed men and women in navy suits and crisp white shirts. There was a moment of silence as they moved into a semicircle. Someone produced a black pitch pipe and someone else counted 1-2-3-4 and then the Stepford Supervisors—I mean the Singing Supervisors—broke into their rendition of the company song. I wasn’t sure if should laugh or cry, but I definitely wanted to stick around because the whole scenario was morbidly fascinating. Plus the tune was kind of catchy!
    T HE W AFTI C OMPANY S ONG
    We’re sorry, we’re sorry, we’re sorry
    We Apologize for This Inconvenience Airlines.
    Our service is bad, but it could get worse (cha-cha),
    We lost your kid, but we found your purse (cha-cha),
    Our food is bad, but we’re not to blame,
    Try another airline, it’s all the same.
    Sometimes we’re late, but is that a crime?
    Does it really matter? It’s only time.
    At this point a blond man with very white teeth and an orangy bottled tan dramatically broke away from the semicircle while the rest of the group continued softly singing, “Doo, doo, doo . . . cha-cha . . . doo, doo doo.” He flashed his ultra-big white teeth at us and said, “Hey trainees, welcome to WAFTI! You’re joining the family at a very special time because we’re changing. We’re upping our standards and things are getting better every day. This year ten trillion people will travel by air and that makes for some long lines at the ticket counters. So we’re hiring one more ticket agent and fifty more flight attendants this year! Now we recently had to raise our fares, but we’re still offering these items to our passengers at no extra charge (and you will be tested on this): free pillows, free blankets (but grab them quickly, there are only five on each plane), free overhead-bin space, and no charge for the lavatories! Yet. We’ve also added two more peanuts per bag for the hungry traveler. And although our seats are still the same small size, we’ve increased the length of the seat belt to give the illusion of more room.
    â€œThings are certainly improving! But if in the rare and unlikely event that a passenger’s expectations are not met, and you have done everything in your power as a service and safety