ARC: Essence Read Online Free Page A

Brady’s passing is a moment you will never get back.”
    She paused. “You must understand I’m just trying to do what’s best for our family. Since nothing we do has the power to bring back Brady, it will be better for all of us if we simply try to move on with our lives.”
    Tears sprang to my eyes again. This time, I didn’t even attempt to hide them. “Move on? You honestly expect me to forget about Brady and move on with my life?”
    My voice came out remarkably angry, and Aunt Marie reacted by steadying her sister. Her eye contact with me was pleading, but her voice was gentle when she said, “Sweetheart, please calm down. Your outburst is…”
    “Your outburst is very distressing to both of us.” My mother clutched a dish towel. “So I think it’s best if you go to your bedroom early tonight. There are some sleeping pills left over from Brady’s funeral in my cabinet; I will bring you a few as soon as we finish our dinner with Brother Thomas.”
    I clenched my fists. “But I don’t want sleeping pills – just like I don’t want to forget about Brady or move on with my life. He was my baby brother , and I’m tired of feeling like there’s something wrong with me because I miss him!”
    My mother scowled. “Autumn, please go to your room now.”
    “Fine!” I knew I was being reckless, but I didn’t even care. I was already halfway up the stairs.
     
    I lay fuming, facedown on my bed, for nearly an hour. Tears ran freely down my cheeks, and I let them fall, surprised by the feeling of relief.
    I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had an outburst like that. Maybe when I was five, just before my own Free Soul Ceremony. A scratched knee or a splinter or something; a childhood tantrum followed by a stern lecture from my mother.
    “You will be a Free Soul in three weeks,” she had said, clutching both my cheeks in her hands. “Do you know what that means, Autumn? It means we will go to the temple, and your Essence will be symbolically cut from mine. You won’t be a baby anymore, so your outbursts will begin shortening your own life instead of mine. You don’t want that, do you, sweetheart?”
    I didn’t. I still don’t, but what if Cedar is wrong about Essence drain?
    I felt like my foundation was crumbling, like everything I’d ever believed in was being called into question. The Centrist way is the right way. Neutrality is the key to longevity. Too much happiness is just as dangerous as too much sadness.
    But what if it isn’t?
    I was so consumed by the question that I nearly missed the sound of my bedroom door creaking open. Aunt Marie’s movements were tentative, and her expression seemed concerned. She cradled something small in her hands.
    “I have something to give you, child.”
    I wiped the tears from my eyes. Into my palms, she dropped something soft and fuzzy. Brady’s stuffed lion.
    I opened my mouth, but she shook her head. “This never happened. Do you understand?”
    “Aunt Marie, how did you–?”
    “Fairly easy once the two of them got to talking last night.” She squeezed my shoulder. “She’s upset, too, you know. Doesn’t like the idea of having another baby any more than you do.”
    “Then why is she doing it?”
    “Because Cedar wants her to.” She sank to the bed beside me. “She was only sixteen when she met him, you know. Cedar. Fell in love with every word he said. Joined his camp before there even was a Movement.”
    “I know.”
    She cleared her throat. “Yes, but you need to understand that our way of life isn’t the only way. Your grandmother didn’t even approve of this.”
    “My grandmother?” I felt myself reeling. No one ever spoke of my grandmother.
    “Left the Bay Area soon after the Quake,” Marie said. “Tried to take us with her, but your mother was already enchanted with Cedar’s teachings by then. Wasn’t long before she was pregnant with you.”
    “But…” The world took an unexpected spin. “Why did you stay? Why