Anglo-Irish Murders Read Online Free

but…’
    ‘Hurry up or we’ll never get there,’ shouted the baroness.
    ‘Yes, Wyn…Yes, yes…Look, I’m really sorry, and I’d love to talk, but I’m in a meeting…Yes…Quite…Give me your number and I’ll ring you later…Yes…Yes…Got it…Yes, it is an unusual number…Yes, yes…Of course…So do I…Yes…Sorry, I’ve really got to go…Yes…Yes…Sorry, must dash. Speak to you soon…Bye.’
    He slumped into his seat. ‘Christ. I thought she’d never shut up.’
    ‘Who?’
    ‘Our Welsh representative.’
    ‘What do you expect from Wales except windbags?’
    They set off again and within a couple of hundred yards encountered a crossroads. ‘Do I go right or left here, Jack? Where are we off to anyway?’
    She peered at the signpost. ‘Left. We’re going on a trip down memory lane to stay with my mother’s cousins. The Micks pretty well rubbed out the Anglo-Irish so I’d thought I’d take you to one of the last outposts.’
    ‘Which is?’
    ‘County Galway. Knocknasheen, where my cousins live.’
    ‘Oh good. What’s it like?’
    ‘Don’t be so inquisitive. You’ll see in due course.’ She paused. ‘There’s just one thing.’ She paused irresolutely and drummed her fingers on the dashboard.
    ‘What is it, Jack? If I didn’t know you better I’d think you were embarrassed.’
    ‘Am a bit.’ She cleared her throat. ‘There’s the business of my name.’
    ‘Yes?’
    ‘Bit of an altercation with Cousin Lavinia. Won’t stand for “Jack.” Never would. What was good enough for my parents was good enough for her, she’s always said.’
    ‘You’re afraid of your cousin Lavinia? My admiration for her knows no bounds.’
    Coyly, the baroness scratched her left calf with her right foot. ‘Lavinia was a bit of a ring-leader when we were gels and anyway she’s several years older. Old habits require me to do a bit of kowtowing. I won’t be smoking either.’
    Amiss beamed. ‘How wonderful! At last I get to call you “Ida.”’
    ‘You most certainly do not. If you think Lavinia would approve of a whippersnapper like you calling me by my Christian name you’ve another thing coming. If you want to call me anything you call me “Lady Troutbeck.” Be grateful I didn’t stipulate “ma’am.”’
    ‘Fine, fine. And what do I call them?’
    ‘You call Lavinia “Miss FitzHugh” and her younger sister “Miss Grace.” Now get going or we’ll be late for what passes for dinner. And tell me about your latest crises.’
    The Sailor’s Hornpipe rang out. Amiss dithered for a moment and then said ‘The hell with the law’ and picked up the phone. ‘Hello…Oh, hello, Saoirse. Is Seoirse’s problem sorted out?…What?…You’re not serious…No, I’m not showing disrespect. I just can’t see the point…Oh, he did, did he?…Well if you say so…I’ll do my best…Yes, yes. My very best…I understand…Goodbye.’ He switched off the phone and put his foot on the accelerator. ‘That was MOPE again—Saoirse MacGabhain.’
    ‘What sort of a name is that?’
    ‘Simon tells me it means Freedom Smith.’
    ‘These Micks call themselves by impossible names on purpose just to be annoying.’
    ‘That may be, but what’s bothering me is what Saoirse has just demanded.’
    ‘What?’
    ‘Simultaneous interpretation from Irish.’
    ‘Tell him to fuck off.’
    ‘It’s a her. And I can’t. Apparently the Irish government have been on to our lot and it’s been agreed that this should be done as a mark of cultural sensitivity.’
    ‘But there isn’t anyone left in Ireland who doesn’t understand English, is there?’
    ‘Of course not, but unless Saoirse is lying to me, officialdom has caved in and I’ve got to find an interpreter.’
    ‘Get me whatever pusillanimous dickhead in the Northern Ireland Office is responsible for this,’ bellowed the baroness.
    Amiss stopped the car and made a call. ‘Damn. Simon isn’t there. Are you sure you want me to find the