Andrew North Blows Up the World Read Online Free

at us. “Look who’s here! The geek gang!”
    “Of course we’re here, cheese bag,” I said. “It’s school! We’re here every day.”
    “Cheese bag?” asked Neil. “What’s a cheese bag?”
    “You are,” I said.
    Actually, I had no idea what a cheese bag was, but it was a pretty good insult. I bought it off Ryan Kowalski, the class criminal. Ryan is sort of a genius when it comes to making up insults. You know how professional spies have guys who make their weapons and gadgets for them? Ryan is a bit like that guy for me. I can’t take weapons to school, of course, but I can take insults. Give him fifty cents, and he’ll write you a pretty choice put-down.
    Neil curled his lip at me. He thinks he looks very threatening when he curls his lip. Actually, he sort of does.
    “Shut up, An-dy,” he said.
    I gave him my own meanest look. “What did you call me, Gorblisch?” I asked.
    “You heard me,” said Neil. “ An-dy!”
    That did it!
    No one, but no one, calls me Andy!
    Andrew North is a great spy name, but Andy North isn’t. That sounds like the name of a trucker who takes too long in the bathroom. Or a professional bowler who does commercials for toe-fungus cream. I don’t let anybody call me Andy, and Neil knows it.
    “Oh yeah?” I asked. “At least my last name doesn’t sound like the noise a toilet makes when you flush it! Goooorrrrrblisch!”
    Tony started laughing. So did Danny and Paul. Ryan had charged me a whole dollar for that insult, but it was worth it.
    “Shut up!” said Neil. “You’re a dork, North!”
    “Back to you and more of it!” I said.
    Neil dug his spoon into his potato salad and made a move like he was going to fling it at me.
    Naturally, I sprang into action. Before he could do anything, I dug my spoon into my own potato salad and flung it at Neil. It hit him square on the nose, then hung there for a second like a giant booger before dropping onto his plate.
    Neil growled. Then he scooped up some of his potato salad and lobbed it at me. It hit me in the chest and clung to my shirt.
    Tony Zunker grabbed a spoonful of his potato salad and reached up to throw it, but he never had a chance. Mrs. Rademacher, the lunchroom monitor, showed up behind him before he could let it fly.
    “What’s going on here?” she asked in that tone of voice adults use to tell you that someone’s about to get into trouble.
    “He threw potato salad at me,” Neil grumbled.
    “And he threw it at me!” I said, pointing at Neil. “And he started it, too.”
    “Did not!” Neil lied.
    “Andrew started it, Mrs. Rademacher,” said Nicole. She was sitting at the next table over, where she had been bossing around a group of girls. “I saw the whole thing. Tony was about to throw some, too.”
    “Thank you, Nicole,” said Mrs. Rademacher. “Come with me, Andrew and Tony.”
    She grabbed our shoulders and led us down the hall. She was awfully strong for someone as old as she was. And awfullymean. And thanks to her, who knew whether I’d be able to put Paul’s awesome Indoor-Recess Calculator-Retrieval Plan into motion today?
    “This is so unfair!” I said. “Tony shouldn’t be in trouble!”
    “I didn’t even throw anything!” said Tony. “Neil did!”
    But being fair was not something Mrs. Rademacher was known for.
    “Poor Neil was just defending himself from you hooligans!” said Mrs. Rademacher. “You’ll be spending your recess indoors, in your classroom!”
Sweet
.
    Tony nudged me and smiled. I smiled back. Although we were in trouble for totally unfair reasons, it was my perfect chance to get the calculator back before Mr. Summers could blow up the world!

CHAPTER THREE
    Madam Mordre, the evil Dr. Cringe’s equally evil assistant, led Agent North down the corridor, handcuffs chafing his wrists. Dave the Monkey followed along in tiny handcuffs of his own.
    North’s plan was working perfectly! He had intended to fight his way into Dr. Cringe’s chambers but realized