And Did Those Feet ... Read Online Free

was hoping to drive her mad.
    Couldn’t help it.
    At first it was just small stuff really, like hiding things that I knew she would need. Her keys, or her wallet or maybe the TV remote. I would sit somewhere near at hand so I could watch her getting flustered, sometimes I would even help her to look. Once I even shifted it a couple of times while the search was on. That was fun. It wasn’t long before she twigged to it because now it was Yoke-Lin who started to hide things.
    Her own things mostly.
    From me.
    If she had hoped that this was the end of it then I guess she must have underestimated my determination. Like father, like son.
    After a while hiding things wasn’t enough any more so I had to go further. I began to take money from her wallet, not that I needed it. I just wanted to take it from her. She liked money, I knew that. I did a few boy-like pranks too. Put slugs in her shoes. I would go into the garden to hunt out the biggest, hairiest spiders and free them in her clothes-drawers . If I got the chance I would throw her mail away.
    I must say she coped quite well, never cried, never got angry with me. I would climb out my bedroom window at night and make noises near her room. Try to frighten her a bit. Nothing seemed to work and I was about to give up when one day she was gone. No note, nothing.
    She can’t have said anything but Dad was suspicious, I can tell you. He never spoke to me about it but for a few days he would stalk past me giving me the evils. Actually, it was after this that he got his revenge. This time he got a scary womanfrom the agency. Actually I reckon it was a different agency. Instead of
asianhoneys.com
it was
Rent-a-witch.
    Her name was Ada, but I used to call her adder because I reckon she must have had a poisonous bite. This Ada must have had a background as a prison guard or a dog catcher. Something like that. There was no way I was going to mess with her. She was big, she was wide and she wore men’s shoes which squeaked. She had no eyebrows, just pencil lines where they had been drawn on and she wore the sort of glasses that magnified her eyes. They were big and round, like a squid’s eyes. Who needed nightmares when Ada was loose in your house?
    She had me sussed from the minute she arrived. She always knew what I was going to do before I did it and she never left personal stuff lying around. She was unbeatable. When she said, “Get up, Sandy,” I was out of bed like I had been launched by a giant spring. My clothes were laid out ready, breakfast was ready, school lunch was ready then Ashraf was ready, and I was gone. The homeward beat would be much the same. I’d always get this feeling of dread as Ashraf pulled up in the driveway. He’d turn around and look at me. “We’re here,” he’d say. I would sort of shrink into the seat and slowly slide out.
    Then the morning routine happened in reverse: bag emptied , school uniform off for inspection and possible washing, homework out on desk with glass of milk and regulation two Krispies. After three days I knew exactly what the expression “stir crazy” meant.
    The only good thing about the new arrangement was thatshe was strictly eight ’til five. Out the door the moment the big hand reached twelve. She wouldn’t wait for anything. What a relief.
    Dad, being Dad, couldn’t follow such a strict time schedule . For a few days he was there at the changing of the guard but then he came in at half past whatever. Adder had usually left some little witchy meal bubbling on the stove but we hardly ever ate it. Dad had snatched a pie or three from Oscar’s and I wouldn’t touch it with a ten foot pole. Luckily I was getting pretty handy at fixing things from the freezer by this stage. There is an old saying where I come from and that’s “a microwave is a boy’s best friend”.
    I wasn’t the only one who turned a bit feral at this stage. Dad developed a few habits that were a worry. He began to drink more and go out more.