All We Have Lost Read Online Free Page A

cleaner. I’m tired of being enthusiastic.’
    She’s wearing her understanding smile but I know she’s no clue what I’m talking about.
    ‘I know you’ve been a bit busy lately but I thought you loved PR. You’ve always said it’s the best job you’ve ever had.’
    ‘It was. Not any more.’ I sigh. ‘It’s my own fault. I’ve been working too hard for too long. I just can’t do it any more. D’you know how many weeks’ holidays I’ve had in nine years?’
    ‘How many?’ It’s a regularly expressed concern of hers. She’s probably got them counted.
    ‘Nine. One a year. And maternity leave?’
    ‘You know how I felt about that. I still can’t believe you insisted on bringing your phone into the labour ward.’
    ‘Kim Waters PR – contactable between contractions.’ I roll my eyes at myself. ‘I’m just too busy, all the time, no let up. The phone is always ringing. Clients always want more. The kids need their mum and, since Ian started his new job, we’re both home late most evenings. It’s not a life.’
    ‘That’s desperate. I didn’t realise you were under such pressure.’ She reaches across the table and squeezes my hand. ‘You must stop.’
    I let go the breath I seem to have been holding for a very long time.
    ‘Spend more time with Chloe and Sam.’ She smiles. ‘And that lovely mother of yours. Oh and don’t worry about the cooking – I can give you loads of recipes.’
    ‘That’s what I’m afraid of.’
    She laughs. But persists. ‘How about my Bolognese sauce? You all love that.’
    ‘Let’s start with that ready-made sauce you mentioned that you just add to pasta?’
    She hesitates. ‘Usually I add bits and pieces to that, to give it texture – a few chopped peppers, mushroom s …’
    ‘But I could just stir it in as it is, couldn’t I?’
    ‘You could bu t …’
    ‘Sure, I’ll start with that. Thanks.’
    She gives me a jar to get me going. I turn it around in my hand, automatically wondering who does their PR. I dismiss the thought.
    ‘Let me give you the Bolognese recipe as well. It’s so easy.’
    ‘Mum, if I do quit, it’ll be to write a novel and spend time with the kids. I won’t have time for culinary delights. Just the basics.’ Enough to keep starvation at bay.
    ‘Really? A novel ?’ asks my mother the reader, recipe forgotten.
    I nod.
    She clasps her hands together. ‘You’ve always loved books. Oh Kim this is wonderful news. What kind of novel?’
    ‘A murder mystery, I think.’
    She covers her mouth. She’s a crime fan, the gorier the better. She leans forward.
    ‘Have you any of it written? Can I’ve a little peep?’
    ‘I haven’t started it yet.’
    ‘Oh,’ she says, a little deflated but by no means put off. ‘And love scenes? Are there going to be any love scenes?’
    ‘You mean SEX scenes?’ It’s good to scare your mother, occasionally.
    ‘You know what I mean, you monkey.’
    Thirty-three and she still calls me monkey.
    ‘I don’t know. There’s not a lot of passion in murder mysteries, is there? They’re more plot-driven, aren’t they?’
    ‘Well, maybe you should have just a little one.’
    I love this woman.
    Then I think of her – and everyone I know – reading the ‘little’ sex scene and projecting Ian and me into it. I shiver.
    ‘I’ve such admiration for you,’ she says. ‘You’ve always done your own thing. You’re great.’
    I grimace. ‘ Is it the right thing, though, giving up my independence? It’s not really me, is it?’
    She considers that. ‘Well, you’ve always valued your independence but it would be a mistake to let it hold you back. Don’t let it stop you from following your dream.’
    Wow. She’s starting to sound like me. Only it makes more sense when she says it.
    ‘You’re lucky to have Ian’s support. Lean on it for a change. You supported him to go back to college and you weren’t even married then. Anyway, it won’t be for long. You’ll be producing bestsellers