All That Was Happy Read Online Free

trigger. It was only a sixteenth of an inch away from releasing
the bullet. She touched the trigger thoughtfully, lightly, amazed
that this tiny sliver of steel could unleash a force that would end
everything forever. She closed her eyes. She’d count to three and
simply do it. One. Two.
    The scratching sound again. What was it? Was
someone in the parking lot with her? It was annoying. She wanted to
be alone to kill herself. She didn’t want some idiot witnessing
it!
    The scratching continued. Her ears tracked
the source. It was coming from a cardboard box set next to the
light post. The box shook--there was something inside it.
    There was a terrible booming coming from
somewhere. She realized with a start it was the beating of her own
heart, going a mile a minute. She removed the barrel from her mouth
and took a shuddering breath, feeling raw.
    She got out of the car, still holding the
gun, and approached the box. Something was inside, scratching to
get out, something not powerful enough to escape a simple cardboard
box. But what was inside? A kitten? A snake? A rat? It could be
anything! The box moved and she flinched. Gripping the gun with one
hand, with the other she took the edge of the closed box flap and
pulled it open, standing back, ready to blast the hell out of
whatever sprang out.
    A dog stared back at her, tail wagging
furiously. The tiniest dog she’d ever seen. A teacup Chihuahua!
    “ Awww,” Beckie said.
    She’d never liked dogs, and had no use for
the fools who did. But she couldn’t just leave this tiny,
shivering, hairless creature sitting in the box, to fall prey to
whatever insidious event might occur at some later time in the
parking lot. She knew for a fact that the Valley was infested with
gopher snakes and overpopulated with barn owls, one of whom would
surely track onto the tiny sniveling beast at her feet. The thought
of the horned, feathered machinery of the owl converting this
living thing into a compact ball of hair and bones by morning made
up her mind for her.
    “ I’m going to pick you up,” she said.
“But if you bite me, I’ll put you back in the box and blow your
head off.” The creature allowed itself to be picked up. Her hands
curled around its tiny rib cage and she felt its heart fluttering,
felt the heat from its shivering body as its adrenaline flowed fast
and hard, caught up in the excitement of the rescue, the release
from the box. She got back in the roadster and set the beast on the
seat, but it immediately sought solace in her lap.
    “ I don’t like you,” she said. “But I
feel sorry for you. I’ll get you something to eat but what happens
after that I can’t promise you. It all depends on what I feel like,
and I better warn you, I feel pretty awful. So don’t go planning
out your future and imagine yourself all curled up in a little ball
at the foot of my bed tonight.”
    She fired up the Mercedes and backed out of
the parking spot. As she drove through the back streets towards the
freeway, she wondered if she’d done the right thing by picking up
the dog. A day ago, she would have asked Bernie what to do. He’d
have known how to handle the discovery of the dog in the box. Then
again, maybe not. Bernie probably would have simply backed over the
box on his way out of the lot and left it for his janitor to sweep
up. In any case, she wouldn’t be getting his input. In spite of her
realization about Nolene and all that it implied, illogically,
through her veil of anger, she felt somehow closer to Bernie than
ever before, as though all she had to do was call him and he’d come
tearfully back to her. The feeling dissolved in the darkening
shadows as night marched slowly forward across the city, flushing
out emotions she wanted no part of, feelings of being frightened--a
fear of not making it to morning. Or of making it, and not knowing
what to do then.
    She was alone.
    No, not quite. She now had a dog. It wasn’t
much, but it was a lot more than she’d had an