All About Me Read Online Free Page B

Christian standing by me, and I was lying on the bed. I tried to move, but after a moment I realised I was chained to the bedframe by handcuffs. My head spun and terror rolled over me like a tennis ball.

    I close my eyes, imagining what I ’ d do to Christian if he were still alive. Now I ’ m aware that she tried to tell me about this before, but I was too stupid to listen, too caught up with revenge to comprehend what she went through. After years of agony, secrets and lies, I get it. I understand why she turned on me, why she bullied me.
    My whole world starts to crumble piece by piece. When I was imagining our future together, I never expected she would be carrying such a deep secret. In the restaurant she confessed her love for me. She was sure that I let go of my grudge. Then I was supposed to find her letters. Instead, I ruined her plan and stabbed her right in the chest. I didn ’ t understand the extent of my own feelings, so I trashed hers away.
    I clench my fists while panting loudly, but there is no air and the truth of it is suffocating me. She tried to move on, to apologise to me, but I was too thick, caught up too much with myself to see that there was always a reason.
    Now I see that she has changed so much over the years. She hated me in high school and came here expecting to forget about the past, but then I ruined her plans. Despite what happened between us in Gargle, India still tried to apologise, explain her actions to me for the whole semester. I was so pissed off with her, so angry that she came here expecting acceptance, that I didn ’ t see how much she ’ d transformed. The idea of revenge blinded me and I was too cocky, too immature to see what kind of woman I had in front of me.
    When I drag myself back to my room, I want to trash everything in front of me. Instead, I slam my bare fists into the wall harder than I should, until I can ’ t feel anything at all. I don ’ t register any pain. The vile feeling in my chest moves down to my gut, but I keep going, hurting myself.
    That fucking psycho never had slept with her; that ’ s why over the years he was shagging other girls. India had never wanted to give herself to him. In the end he got tired of waiting, so he raped her. He knew that she was slipping away and he knew that I was still a threat.
    My mother created a monster, a person who was capable of the worst possible violation. India was a virgin and he broke her, ruined her future forever. My fists are bleeding, but I don ’ t feel anything, just numbness and that hollow feeling in my gut that only keeps spreading and punching me back. I want to run to her and take her in my arms, but I know that I can ’ t. She needs to keep away from me.
    A few nights ago she thought that we could be happy, but as soon as his name passed through her lips, fury and pride overwhelmed me.
    “ Oliver, what the hell happened to your hands? ” asks my housemate, staring at the blood that drips on the floor. My breathing is shallow and I have no idea if I ’ m dreaming or if this is really my shitty life. The ground underneath my feet is moving. My dead, fucking, psycho-brother is dragging me down. My head is spinning and I can ’ t seem to pull myself together.
    “ Oliver! ”
    “ Shut up, Jhonny, I ’ m fine. Leave me be, ” I mutter, passing him and heading upstairs. The letters are still in my hands and I feel like I ’ m dead. Christian was a psycho, but I never in a million years expected him to do something so tainted and terrible. I pace in the living room for several minutes and read the letters again, sobbing for the first time in years, remembering the past.

    Past

    It ’ s Christian ’ s going away party. Was tonight going to be the night when I ’ d tell him that India was no longer his? I have tolerated him since our arrival to Gargle, because of my mother and father, but enough was enough.
    My mother had been running around my brother like a headless chicken, making sure that