Agent to the Stars Read Online Free Page A

that, I think, covered the enormity of the situation and what I was experiencing in my head.
    â€œHoly shit,” I said.
    â€œThat’s a new one on me,” said the aquarium gunk.
    â€œIt’s just an expression,” Carl said.
    â€œHoly Christ on a pony,” I said.
    â€œSo’s that,” Carl noted.
    â€œAh,” said the gunk. “Listen, do you mind if I get out of this box now? I’ve been in it all day. The right angles are killing me.”
    â€œPlease,” Carl said.
    â€œThank you,” said the gunk. A tendril formed off the surface of the gunk and arched towards the conference table, touching down close to the center of the table. The tendril wobbled slightly for a second, then thickened tremendously as the gunk transferred itself out of the aquarium through the tendril. When the transfer was over, the tendril reabsorbed into the main body, which now sat, globular, on the conference table.

    â€œThat’s much better,” the gunk said.
    â€œCarl,” I said. I was keeping my distance from the gunk. “You’d really better catch me up on what’s going on here.”
    Carl had put his feet back on the table. They rested not too far off from where the gunk was piled. That seemed a bad idea to me. “Do you want the long or short version?” He asked.
    â€œGive me the short version for now, if you don’t mind,” I said.
    â€œFine,” he said. “Tom, have a seat, please. I promise Joshua won’t leap on you and suck out your brains.”
    â€œI won’t,” the gunk that was apparently called Joshua agreed. “I’m a good alien, not like those bad aliens that make for such good movies. Please, Tom, sit down.”
    I didn’t know which was more fundamentally disturbing: that Jell-O was talking to me, that it had a sense of humor, or that it had better manners than I did. My body sat down in my seat; the man in my brain readied himself for a sprint to the door.
    â€œThank you,” Carl said. “Here’s the short version: About four months ago, the Yherajk, of which my friend Joshua is a member, contacted me. The Yherajk have been watching us here on Earth for a while, and they decided recently that, after several years of observation, it was time to make themselves known to humanity. But they have concerns.”
    â€œWe look like snot,” Joshua said. “And we smell like dead fish.”
    Carl nodded in Joshua’s direction. “The Yherajk are worried that their physical appearance will present problems.”
    â€œWe have seen The Blob, and it is us,” Joshua intoned.
    Another nod from Carl. “The Yherajk have decided that before they can appear to humanity, some arrangements have to be made—a way has to be made for them not to appear so ugly from the outset.”

    â€œWe need an agent to get us the role of the friendly aliens,” Joshua said.
    â€œThat’s the short version,” Carl said.
    I sat there for a second, trying to process the information. “Can I ask a question?” I said.
    â€œShoot,” said Joshua.
    I looked at Joshua and for a moment I was frozen. I didn’t know what part of it to address. It all looked the same. I dealt with it by looking straight at its center. “Dumb question first: Why didn’t you just drop on the lawn of the White House? I mean, in the movies, that’s pretty much how it was done.”
    â€œWe thought about it,” Joshua said. “Then we caught the presidential debates. The people you folks elect are sort of scary. And you Americans are the folks that do it the best on this entire planet. Besides, your president only speaks for Americans. American movies speak for your world. Who hasn’t seen Wizard of Oz ? Or Jaws ? Or Star Wars ? We’ve seen them, and we’re not even from this planet.” Joshua sprouted a tendril and tapped the table. “If you want to introduce