A Tiger in Eden Read Online Free
watch it. She was one of those frail English-rose types but she was all right, she was only on the island for five days and she calmed me down a bit with her quiet voice and sarcastic sense of humour.
Her name was Claire and she got me off the beach and onto one of those wee mopeds, driving round theisland for a look. She sat behind me holding on with her delicate arms. She brought out the protective side of me, so she did. The roads were fucked on the island, all hilly and full of potholes, it was quite dangerous riding the motorbike if you didn’t know what you were doing. Loads of the backpackers had taken a spill or burned themselves on the exhaust. We only crashed the once into the bushes and it was more funny than anything else.
We were relaxing by the bar one night, sure she got pished after a couple of drinks and would want to go back to the hut for a ride. I took it easy on her though, I didn’t give her a good aul reaming like I did with some of them, sure I needed to calm down anyway, I was a bit pent up with tension or something. Turns out what I needed was just to knock the fuck out of someone and here comes the perfect candidates.
Som was obsessed with yon Chili Peppers album, Blood Sugar Sex Magik , I think he fancied himself as looking a bit like the lead singer. Loads of the Thai lads grew their hair long after they come out of the army. Anyway Som was playing it as usual and ‘Under the Bridge’ came on. Now there was a few English lads further down the bar, I had my eye on them ‘cos they were a bit annoying and I was trying to have a wee laugh and a joke with Claire who’d sort of fallen for me. Course they’re pished and start singing the lyrics dead loud, there was a bit of an edge to them like they were pissed off or something, typical fucking English lads in a group spoiling for a fight over nothing like I said before.
After the song was over one of the lads with an aul pinched face leans over the bar and starts shouting at Som to put on some Take That. Som just shakes his head no and the English lad starts abusing him, as do his mates. Put it on, you black cunt, they’re saying. Som was outnumbered and he looks over at me ‘cos he knows I hate that boy-band shite. I says, excuse me a wee minute Claire, I’ve just got a bit of business to attend to, you stay here out of the way love, I’ll not be long.
Claire had the good sense just to nod and say, be careful, she knew what was coming and had seen me doing the muaythai on the beach so she knew I was going to burst them.
Youse are not putting that on, I goes to the English lad, that’s music for wee girls. And that’s a friend of mine youse are calling a black cunt, by the way.
The eyes lit up on the three of them but I could see straightaway the two at the back were shitting themselves at the muscles on me and all the Loyalist tattoos. The aul NO SURRENDER across the chest works wonders sometimes, so it does.
You got a problem, mate? the one with the pinched face goes.
Jesus, I was thinking, how come they always say that? It’s right annoying, so it is. You worked that out all by yourself did you, I says, sure you must be the brains of the operation.
Fooking Paddies, all think you’re fooking hilarious, he goes.
Aye, I says, sure that’s why all your women go for us rather than ugly cunts like youse. Look at the wee puckered mouth on ye, sure I’ve seen better-looking rusty sheriff’s badges.
You better shut it, you fooking Paddy cunt, he goes and stands up trying to look menacing or something.
I’d had enough of playing around, sure he’d no banter on him at all. There was only one thing for it so I grabbed him by the throat and lifted him up and bashed his head on the wooden beam of the low roof. He tried kicking me in the chest but he was only wearing sandals, it was pathetic so it was. One of them flew off and landed in the sink behind the bar. Som lifted it out with two fingers like it was a dead rat and threw it to
Her name was Claire and she got me off the beach and onto one of those wee mopeds, driving round theisland for a look. She sat behind me holding on with her delicate arms. She brought out the protective side of me, so she did. The roads were fucked on the island, all hilly and full of potholes, it was quite dangerous riding the motorbike if you didn’t know what you were doing. Loads of the backpackers had taken a spill or burned themselves on the exhaust. We only crashed the once into the bushes and it was more funny than anything else.
We were relaxing by the bar one night, sure she got pished after a couple of drinks and would want to go back to the hut for a ride. I took it easy on her though, I didn’t give her a good aul reaming like I did with some of them, sure I needed to calm down anyway, I was a bit pent up with tension or something. Turns out what I needed was just to knock the fuck out of someone and here comes the perfect candidates.
Som was obsessed with yon Chili Peppers album, Blood Sugar Sex Magik , I think he fancied himself as looking a bit like the lead singer. Loads of the Thai lads grew their hair long after they come out of the army. Anyway Som was playing it as usual and ‘Under the Bridge’ came on. Now there was a few English lads further down the bar, I had my eye on them ‘cos they were a bit annoying and I was trying to have a wee laugh and a joke with Claire who’d sort of fallen for me. Course they’re pished and start singing the lyrics dead loud, there was a bit of an edge to them like they were pissed off or something, typical fucking English lads in a group spoiling for a fight over nothing like I said before.
After the song was over one of the lads with an aul pinched face leans over the bar and starts shouting at Som to put on some Take That. Som just shakes his head no and the English lad starts abusing him, as do his mates. Put it on, you black cunt, they’re saying. Som was outnumbered and he looks over at me ‘cos he knows I hate that boy-band shite. I says, excuse me a wee minute Claire, I’ve just got a bit of business to attend to, you stay here out of the way love, I’ll not be long.
Claire had the good sense just to nod and say, be careful, she knew what was coming and had seen me doing the muaythai on the beach so she knew I was going to burst them.
Youse are not putting that on, I goes to the English lad, that’s music for wee girls. And that’s a friend of mine youse are calling a black cunt, by the way.
The eyes lit up on the three of them but I could see straightaway the two at the back were shitting themselves at the muscles on me and all the Loyalist tattoos. The aul NO SURRENDER across the chest works wonders sometimes, so it does.
You got a problem, mate? the one with the pinched face goes.
Jesus, I was thinking, how come they always say that? It’s right annoying, so it is. You worked that out all by yourself did you, I says, sure you must be the brains of the operation.
Fooking Paddies, all think you’re fooking hilarious, he goes.
Aye, I says, sure that’s why all your women go for us rather than ugly cunts like youse. Look at the wee puckered mouth on ye, sure I’ve seen better-looking rusty sheriff’s badges.
You better shut it, you fooking Paddy cunt, he goes and stands up trying to look menacing or something.
I’d had enough of playing around, sure he’d no banter on him at all. There was only one thing for it so I grabbed him by the throat and lifted him up and bashed his head on the wooden beam of the low roof. He tried kicking me in the chest but he was only wearing sandals, it was pathetic so it was. One of them flew off and landed in the sink behind the bar. Som lifted it out with two fingers like it was a dead rat and threw it to
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