A Parent's Guide for Suicidal and Depressed Teens Read Online Free Page B

A Parent's Guide for Suicidal and Depressed Teens
Book: A Parent's Guide for Suicidal and Depressed Teens Read Online Free
Author: Kate Williams
Tags: Family & Relationships, Self-Help, Teenagers, depression, Life Stages, test
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others expected one to live. My family system never suggested that working hard had its downside or that

 

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sometimes you have to leave abusive situations in order to be healthy. There were no options. My mother's words were always, "Follow God's will. Your personal happiness is of no concern."
I have worked hard to counteract this grim message. But I had never before confronted one underlying aspect of my family's message: "Don't kill yourself because God will hate you." Though as an adult I didn't look on suicide as a sin, it was still, in my mind, something you're not supposed to do. I had often heard, "Your body is a temple. You use your talents to serve. Don't hide your light under a bushel."
Paradoxically, children present parents with the problems that are the most difficult for us to handle. I think they call it radar. In spite of all my previous work in therapy and Twelve Step groups, I was unprepared for the idea of suicide. As depressed as I may have been in the past, I never wanted to kill myself. I've always reacted to my problems by asking, "How can I change this?" or "How can I live with this?" or "Where's the door?"
If suicide was something many people did think about, then what was the next step? Spiritually, it was important for me to change my hateful and harsh internal belief to one that was loving: there was a loving God who wanted my daughter to live because she was loved and she deserved to have a good life. This is the message I presently believe.

 

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Once I affirmed this new message by saying it over and over, I was able to let go of the old one and not be in a panic when talking about suicide.
Parental Love and the Preservation of the Family
After working through many intense feelings in the last five years, I've come to believe that human beings have a biological drive to live and that this is an instinctive part of life. Biologically, we need our children to continue and carry on our history. This feels like a healthy instinct to me. We have to go easy on ourselves when we first panic about suicide; part of our reaction is normal and healthy.
Aside from our fears of our own personal loss and our shame about being bad parents, there is also the elemental truth that we deeply love our children and we want them to live no matter what. Of all the people on earth, the one I would most readily die to protect is my daughter. I want her to live and live a happy full life. I honor this love for her as healthy, normal, and good.
First Things First
As parents, our personal feelings are important. But in the middle of a crisis, the first step is to get help for the child in danger. You may feel overwhelmed. Looking for help may take all your energy.

 

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No matter. Stop doing everything else until you find help. If you don't know who to call for help, look in the front of the phone book for the number of a crisis hot line. Ask if there's a teen crisis line in your town.
If doing even this much feels too hard, you must call a friend to be with you. Ask a friend to help you make the phone calls. Ask a pastor or teacher for suggestions. Call the school and talk about the problem. Keep asking for help until you get it. Ask a friend to drive you and your child to the therapist or the hospital.
The next thing to do is to figure out how to deal with your feelings of fear and anger and shame so that you will be calm when you talk with your child. You have to be able to discuss suicide in a calm and thoughtful manner.

 

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3
The Last Taboo: Talking Directly about Death
. . . pain is the root of knowledge . . . SIMONE WEIL
Deal with the Reality of Suicide
In the beginning of the process of getting help for Rachel, one of the first and most important things I did was acknowledge her pain. I said to her, "I understand you to be saying you are in terrible pain. I will do anything to help you figure out what it is. I'm sorry I did not see you were in such pain sooner."
Secondly, I insisted
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