A Heart of Time Read Online Free Page A

a living hell.
    I touch Ellie’s hair one last time because it’s something I’ll never be able to do again. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to comprehend the loss standing in front of me. How can this lovely creature, who was such an integral part of my past, not be part of my future? I touch her lips, her eyelids, her ears, her cheeks, and her neck. The heaviness of her hand isn’t something I recognize, though. This isn’t my Ellie, the warm, beautiful woman who I haven’t spent a day without.
    This isn’t happening. This can’t be real. Someone please tell me this isn’t real. Everything inside of me is screaming with an alarm of panic. My mind doesn’t understand what I’m about to do. My mind doesn’t know how to say goodbye to the love of my life. I shouldn’t have to say goodbye. I can’t.
    “Ellie,” I say sweetly as if my calm, soothing voice will pull her back to me. “You don’t understand, baby. I can’t do this. Life. I can’t do this without you.” My words in the form of a plea go unheard, unanswered, ignored by God, Ellie, and anyone and anything that was ever supposed to support me. This isn’t fair. This isn’t fair . “Ellie, I need you. We need you. Please, come back.”
     

CHAPTER TWO

    I’m pacing in circles around the living room, desperately searching for a neon blue backpack. How can something that bright just disappear? God, she’s going to be late for her first day of kindergarten and I will have already failed before the school year begins. “Olive?” I call out. “Have you seen your backpack?”
    I yank up the cushions on the couch, knowing the bag can’t exactly fit under here but I’m running out of places to look. I’m freaking out right now. That’s what this is. I’m definitely freaking out because I’m not ready to send her to school. She’s too young. She’s not ready. She won’t want to let go of me. I should just homeschool her—maybe that would be best, but then I’d have to quit working with AJ, and he’d kill me if I did that. Not to mention that Olive and I would both starve.
    “Daddy, what are you doing?” Olive asks, in her squeaky little voice. I turn around, dropping the cushion down. “Did you lose something?” She walks toward me with her backpack firmly perched on her shoulders, lunch bag in hand and wearing a smile that tells me she’s not nervous to leave me. It’s me who doesn’t want to let go of her , not the other way around. Having her with me for these last five years has been my lifeline...my way to keep a piece of Ellie near me. My heart aches for a brief minute as I stare through her, imagining what this moment would be like if Ellie were here. Would Ellie be crying? Probably, but she’d also be excited for Olive, and she would help me be brave as we send our little girl off to her first day of kindergarten. At least I know she would approve of the eye-blinding blue backpack. It was her favorite color, too.
    “Nope, I didn’t lose anything. I was just straightening up.”
    “No,” she croons with a toothy smile. “You were looking for my backpack.” I swear there is a twenty-year-old living inside of my five-year-old. “Don’t worry, Daddy. I’m going to be okay today. And so will you. I made you lunch and breakfast. And I plugged your phone into the charger because the battery bar turned red.”
    I kneel down and open my arms up, waiting for her to run to me like she always does. “You made me lunch and breakfast?” I ask as I tighten my arms around her tiny body.
    “Yup. I made you cereal for breakfast and bread and mayonnaise for lunch. Now you won’t have to make lunch by yourself today.” A tiny breath escapes her lips and her eyes look at me with as much seriousness as a five-year-old could muster up. “You told me yesterday that you would be sad not having anyone to help you make lunch while I’m at school, and I didn’t want you to be sad.”
    My chest tightens a little more. “You are