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turned to look behind her, too — just in time to see Shay call me a “fat klutz”.
And that time, I heard her.
“I’m sorry, Colleen,” I mumbled, standing as quickly as I could and bolting for the door. Willow chased after me, calling out my name and asking me to wait but I didn’t stop. Tears stung at the back of my eyes as I shoved through the crowd, using more force than necessary. I hated that I couldn’t hold myself together. I didn’t even cry when Mason broke up with me, why the hell was I about to cry over something someone I didn’t even care about said?
Because he cares about her, that’s why.
How could Mason go from dating someone like me to dating someone like her? She was awful. He deserved better, he should want better.
He should want me.
Moses had Dale’s Range Rover pulled up almost as soon as I sent him the text and I slid into the backseat quickly, locking the door behind me, like that would shield me from the cruel reality I had just faced.
“Take me home, Moses,” I said through the tears still building. I tried to catch a deep breath, but came up short each time. My chest was too tight. My lungs weren’t big enough.
Moses didn’t hesitate or ask a single question, just pushed the Rover into drive and tore out of The Crawl like he felt the urgency, too.
Moses used to be Dale’s family’s butler, but he transitioned into more of a family friend by the time mom and I made our way into the Poxton tribe. He was in his sixties, though his bald head and tan skin made him look more like a biker in his late forties. He had barely any wrinkles to speak of, which I swore I would find the secret behind. He eyed me curiously in the rearview mirror for just a moment before looking straight ahead again. I was waiting for the questions to come, but thankfully they didn’t.
My phone rang as soon as the light from The Crawl faded behind us. Willow’s name and striking smile lit up the screen and I hit the red ignore button hastily before turning off my phone completely. I knew she wanted to help, but I was past the point of being pulled back by Willow’s Words of Wisdom . Each mile we drove brought us closer to home and farther from the club, yet still I felt my heart ripping. I closed my eyes tight and saw their faces, heard their laughter, felt the embarrassment. I’d never been the butt of any of my friends’ jokes — at least, not that I knew of. Why was it that Mason’s new girlfriend could make fun of me and get away with it so easily? Why didn’t anyone stand up for me?
Then again, could I really blame Shay for my embarrassment? It wasn’t her who ate the way I did. It wasn’t her who watched me put on more and more weight over the years. It wasn’t her who knocked Colleen to the floor in the middle of a crowded bar. All of those things were my fault, and the saddest truth was that I wasn’t even doing anything to change the way I looked. Or felt.
Maybe it was time to start.
Like a strobe light of assault, little moments that I hadn’t thought twice about struck me violently in the backseat of the Range Rover. I remembered covering myself at the beach while all my friends laid out in two pieces. I remembered having to shop at a completely different store for my prom dress after the attendant told me and Willow that they didn’t have anything above a size nine. I remembered having to order a large gown for graduation, even though they were already so flowy and loose. I remembered it all, all of a sudden, all at once — all in striking detail.
It was the first time in my life that I realized I wasn’t comfortable in my own skin.
When we pulled up the long drive to Dale’s house, my mind was still replaying the laughter I’d heard. Mason hadn’t joined in on it, but he hadn’t stopped it. Still, he asked me if I was okay, and that was all the hope I needed to think that maybe I did stand a chance of winning him back.
But before I could think of going after him, I
And that time, I heard her.
“I’m sorry, Colleen,” I mumbled, standing as quickly as I could and bolting for the door. Willow chased after me, calling out my name and asking me to wait but I didn’t stop. Tears stung at the back of my eyes as I shoved through the crowd, using more force than necessary. I hated that I couldn’t hold myself together. I didn’t even cry when Mason broke up with me, why the hell was I about to cry over something someone I didn’t even care about said?
Because he cares about her, that’s why.
How could Mason go from dating someone like me to dating someone like her? She was awful. He deserved better, he should want better.
He should want me.
Moses had Dale’s Range Rover pulled up almost as soon as I sent him the text and I slid into the backseat quickly, locking the door behind me, like that would shield me from the cruel reality I had just faced.
“Take me home, Moses,” I said through the tears still building. I tried to catch a deep breath, but came up short each time. My chest was too tight. My lungs weren’t big enough.
Moses didn’t hesitate or ask a single question, just pushed the Rover into drive and tore out of The Crawl like he felt the urgency, too.
Moses used to be Dale’s family’s butler, but he transitioned into more of a family friend by the time mom and I made our way into the Poxton tribe. He was in his sixties, though his bald head and tan skin made him look more like a biker in his late forties. He had barely any wrinkles to speak of, which I swore I would find the secret behind. He eyed me curiously in the rearview mirror for just a moment before looking straight ahead again. I was waiting for the questions to come, but thankfully they didn’t.
My phone rang as soon as the light from The Crawl faded behind us. Willow’s name and striking smile lit up the screen and I hit the red ignore button hastily before turning off my phone completely. I knew she wanted to help, but I was past the point of being pulled back by Willow’s Words of Wisdom . Each mile we drove brought us closer to home and farther from the club, yet still I felt my heart ripping. I closed my eyes tight and saw their faces, heard their laughter, felt the embarrassment. I’d never been the butt of any of my friends’ jokes — at least, not that I knew of. Why was it that Mason’s new girlfriend could make fun of me and get away with it so easily? Why didn’t anyone stand up for me?
Then again, could I really blame Shay for my embarrassment? It wasn’t her who ate the way I did. It wasn’t her who watched me put on more and more weight over the years. It wasn’t her who knocked Colleen to the floor in the middle of a crowded bar. All of those things were my fault, and the saddest truth was that I wasn’t even doing anything to change the way I looked. Or felt.
Maybe it was time to start.
Like a strobe light of assault, little moments that I hadn’t thought twice about struck me violently in the backseat of the Range Rover. I remembered covering myself at the beach while all my friends laid out in two pieces. I remembered having to shop at a completely different store for my prom dress after the attendant told me and Willow that they didn’t have anything above a size nine. I remembered having to order a large gown for graduation, even though they were already so flowy and loose. I remembered it all, all of a sudden, all at once — all in striking detail.
It was the first time in my life that I realized I wasn’t comfortable in my own skin.
When we pulled up the long drive to Dale’s house, my mind was still replaying the laughter I’d heard. Mason hadn’t joined in on it, but he hadn’t stopped it. Still, he asked me if I was okay, and that was all the hope I needed to think that maybe I did stand a chance of winning him back.
But before I could think of going after him, I