Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader Weird Inventions Read Online Free Page B
Author: Bathroom Readers’ Institute
person wearing it, and when it suddenly increases, the garment becomes “more or less transparent,” according to designer Daan Roosegaarde. The faster their heart races, the quicker it disappears, thus sending a clear message of interest to any nearby visual stimulus.
The designer is also hard at work on what he’s calling INTIMACY 3.0, a line of clothing for both men and women. This one will include a suit that turns clear when a guy wearing it begins lying.
HANDS-FREE SANDWICH HOLDER
I t’s probably an apocryphal story, but history says that the sandwich was invented when degenerate gambler the Earl of Sandwich, not wanting to leave the gaming tables to sit down for a proper meal and eat with a plate, a fork, and dignity, requested that a servant bring him a piece of meat between two slices of bread—thus the sandwich, named in his honor, was born.
The sandwich began its existence as a slapdash convenience. But even its compactibility and portability still isn’t enough for some people—the people who would buy and use the Hands-Free Sandwich Holder. It resembles—and probably is just a slight reworking of—one of those hands-free harmonica holders that Neil Young wears so he can play harmonica while he plays guitar. You shove a sandwich into the designated sandwich-holding area (where the harmonica would go), then put the device around your neck, situating the sandwich in front of your gaping maw. (Note: All of these steps have to be done with your hands). This allows you to continue doing important things (video games, Twitter) without having to eat with your hands like an adult human with self-respect.
EXTREMELY USEFUL KITCHEN GADGETS
H utzler 571 Banana Slicer246: It looks like a banana with vertical blinds running through it. That’s because this yellow, oblong (banana-shaped) gadget is made, specifically and only, for slicing bananas. Simply press it over a banana, and boom, banana slices. (You still have to peel the banana first.)
Mr. Marinator: This countertop gadget borrows its formal “Mr.” address from the actually revolutionary Mr. Coffee. Instead of marinating meat in a bowl or on a plate, place a roast or large amount of meat in Mr. Marinator, along with your chosen sauce. Then Mr. Marinator shakes and agitates the meat with the sauce so it’s marinated and ready to cook in under an hour.
Milk Carton Holder: Milk has come packaged in sturdy paper cartons for more than a century. It’s very easy to hold a milk carton. Still, many companies offer a small plastic or metal “carton holder,” basically a handle, for even easier pouring.
The Egg Cuber: It’s a square-shaped cutter. You put it on a hard boiled egg. It cuts a square shape out of the egg. That’s all.
EARTHQUAKE HOUSE
A nyone who has ever lived through an earthquake (or even seen footage of the aftermath) knows the destructive power that quakes unleash on buildings. But while geologists, engineers, architects, and other general egghead types try to build more quake-resistant houses, they seem to have missed out on one brilliant design: the Earthquake House.
Instead of the traditional four walls-and-foundation scheme, the Earthquake House is round and equipped with seismic sensors. When a large enough temblor hits, the house is automatically detached from its anchors, tethers, and utility lines, and is free to roll down the street or hillside with the tectonic punches.
The patent for the Earthquake House describes it as “Mother Nature’s giant bowling ball,” which sounds fun except for the fact that no one wants to live inside a bowling ball, nor did Mother Nature create the Earthquake House. Perhaps a more appropriate description might be “Mother Nature’s giant hamster ball”?
But how does someone actually live inside a house designed to roll on the ground? The Earthquake House is designed with a self-righting inner living structure, so you don’t have to worry about nailing your furniture to the floor. As
The designer is also hard at work on what he’s calling INTIMACY 3.0, a line of clothing for both men and women. This one will include a suit that turns clear when a guy wearing it begins lying.
HANDS-FREE SANDWICH HOLDER
I t’s probably an apocryphal story, but history says that the sandwich was invented when degenerate gambler the Earl of Sandwich, not wanting to leave the gaming tables to sit down for a proper meal and eat with a plate, a fork, and dignity, requested that a servant bring him a piece of meat between two slices of bread—thus the sandwich, named in his honor, was born.
The sandwich began its existence as a slapdash convenience. But even its compactibility and portability still isn’t enough for some people—the people who would buy and use the Hands-Free Sandwich Holder. It resembles—and probably is just a slight reworking of—one of those hands-free harmonica holders that Neil Young wears so he can play harmonica while he plays guitar. You shove a sandwich into the designated sandwich-holding area (where the harmonica would go), then put the device around your neck, situating the sandwich in front of your gaping maw. (Note: All of these steps have to be done with your hands). This allows you to continue doing important things (video games, Twitter) without having to eat with your hands like an adult human with self-respect.
EXTREMELY USEFUL KITCHEN GADGETS
H utzler 571 Banana Slicer246: It looks like a banana with vertical blinds running through it. That’s because this yellow, oblong (banana-shaped) gadget is made, specifically and only, for slicing bananas. Simply press it over a banana, and boom, banana slices. (You still have to peel the banana first.)
Mr. Marinator: This countertop gadget borrows its formal “Mr.” address from the actually revolutionary Mr. Coffee. Instead of marinating meat in a bowl or on a plate, place a roast or large amount of meat in Mr. Marinator, along with your chosen sauce. Then Mr. Marinator shakes and agitates the meat with the sauce so it’s marinated and ready to cook in under an hour.
Milk Carton Holder: Milk has come packaged in sturdy paper cartons for more than a century. It’s very easy to hold a milk carton. Still, many companies offer a small plastic or metal “carton holder,” basically a handle, for even easier pouring.
The Egg Cuber: It’s a square-shaped cutter. You put it on a hard boiled egg. It cuts a square shape out of the egg. That’s all.
EARTHQUAKE HOUSE
A nyone who has ever lived through an earthquake (or even seen footage of the aftermath) knows the destructive power that quakes unleash on buildings. But while geologists, engineers, architects, and other general egghead types try to build more quake-resistant houses, they seem to have missed out on one brilliant design: the Earthquake House.
Instead of the traditional four walls-and-foundation scheme, the Earthquake House is round and equipped with seismic sensors. When a large enough temblor hits, the house is automatically detached from its anchors, tethers, and utility lines, and is free to roll down the street or hillside with the tectonic punches.
The patent for the Earthquake House describes it as “Mother Nature’s giant bowling ball,” which sounds fun except for the fact that no one wants to live inside a bowling ball, nor did Mother Nature create the Earthquake House. Perhaps a more appropriate description might be “Mother Nature’s giant hamster ball”?
But how does someone actually live inside a house designed to roll on the ground? The Earthquake House is designed with a self-righting inner living structure, so you don’t have to worry about nailing your furniture to the floor. As
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