To Love Read Online Free Page B

he closed his eyes, he could fool himself into believing she was right there next to him. Just as it had been with Carmen for years after she died. He had smelled her everywhere too, even in prison.
    On the bed, with his hands clasped above his head, he gazed up at the ceiling and wondered what she could be doing. A part of him wished she was watching his cottage through her window, wondering when he'd return. He wasn't sure when, or if he'd ever be ready to go back. In fact, he'd been toying all day with the idea of going back to the United States. It would be running, but did he have any other choice? Staying and knowing they couldn't be together would be torture for both of them. Why take the chance?
    A relationship was not in the cards. Relationships meant honesty. In order to be with someone, he had to bear his soul. Out of the question. If Kelsey found out what he lived with every day, what he was really capable of, she'd end up leaving him anyway. Better to just end things now and move on.
    His cell phone vibrated next to him, and on instinct, his heart leapt. It sank again when he saw Garrett's name on the screen.
    "Call in the morning," he said to his brother. "I'm not in the mood to talk."
    "Where are you? I called your house phone and no one picked up."
    Shaun groaned with frustration. "Maybe I didn't want to pick up. Like I said, I don't want to talk."
    "Don't be an ass. I'm your brother and you will talk to me. You sound the way you do when you're in a ditch. What's going on? Why didn't you return my calls?"
    "Garrett," Shaun said through clenched teeth, "this is a bad time, okay?"
    "Is it to do with the neighbor? Kelsey is her name, right? You guys still together? Tell me more about her. Come on, you know you want to."
    She's amazing and doesn't deserve a guy like me. "There's nothing to tell. I'm planning on coming home."
    "Really?" Instead of surprise, concern laced Garrett’s voice. "Why? No, let me guess. Kelsey wants more and you refuse to give it to her?"
    "Relationships are not my thing. You know that."
    "They used to be." Garrett paused. "You know what you're doing? You're still punishing yourself. Falling in love is a chance for you to heal, and you're resisting it. Don't you think it's time?"
    "Time for?" Shaun rubbed his eyes.
    "To allow yourself to be happy again? This Kelsey could be your only chance."
    "She doesn't know everything about me, Garrett. She only knows about the night of the accident, nothing else."
    "Then tell her, dammit."
    "She might not understand. She might walk away. I'd probably walk away if I were her."
    "The only advice I can give you is to give her a chance to decide that for herself. You did something you already paid the price for, many times over. If she chooses to walk away after you tell her, then it wasn't meant to be. But don't be a coward."
    Shaun hung up soon after that, but Garrett's words tormented him all night.

CHAPTER TEN
     
    EIGHT YEARS EARLIER
    Shaun guided Carmen into the house. He pulled off her shoes and laid her on the bed.
    "I'll be right back, sweetheart." He leaned her cane against the bed within her reach, even though she refused to use it, refused to accept her blindness.
    Back outside, Shaun paid the cab driver and removed Carmen's bags from the trunk.
    When he went back to their room, Carmen was no longer there, and neither was her cane. A small table was knocked over, and pieces of the ceramic vase that had stood on it were scattered around it. She had clearly been trying to get to the bathroom.
    The door was locked, and on the other side the water was running. Shaun pressed his ear to the door and listened. Between the rush of water, he heard her sobs. The anguish inside him grew hotter, searing his heart.
    He stumbled to the bed, heaving, as if his air supply had been cut off. He was responsible for her pain. How would they make it through the next few minutes, days, months, years? How would he be able to hold his wife's head above water when he