Those We Left Behind Read Online Free Page B

tapped in the same four digits and entered the room. Cunningham followed and closed the door behind her, stayed there as Lewis approached the table. The lock whirred and clicked as it sealed them in.
    Lewis placed the fingertips of one hand on the table, some clandestine signal that the life of the young man in front of him had now changed. ‘Ciaran, this is Paula Cunningham, your probation officer.’
    The young man looked up from the tabletop. His eyes met hers for no more than a moment. Long enough to send a crackle from the back of her skull to the base of her spine. She shivered as she exhaled.
    ‘Hello, Ciaran.’
    The tip of his tongue appeared from between his lips, wet them, retreated.
    ‘Hello,’ he said in a voice so small Cunningham couldn’t be sure if she’d heard it at all.
    He wore a T-shirt with some meaningless logo splashed across the chest, cheap jeans and a light hooded cardigan. The kind of clothes you’d buy in a supermarket or a chain store, with made-up brand names that any teenager would refuse to wear. A holdall lay in the corner.
    ‘Do you mind if I sit down?’ she asked.
    His narrow shoulders rose and fell in a timid shrug. He brought his thumb to his mouth, teeth working the nail. Cunningham noted the stubs of keratin at the tip of each finger, the red raw skin.
    Lewis remained standing, his back against the wall, while she took the seat opposite and placed the file on the table. She sat still, let the silence thicken, waiting for him to glance up at her once more.
    When he did, she asked, ‘Has everything been explained to you? About what’s going to happen?’
    Ciaran nodded.
    ‘Good,’ she said, offering a firm smile when he gave her another fleeting look. ‘As soon as I’ve signed the forms, I’ll take you to my car, and I’ll drive you to the hostel. Okay?’
    Ciaran nodded.
    ‘I’m told you’ve had two stays in the hostel.’
    She waited, listened to him breathe.
    ‘Ciaran, I said you’ve had two stays in the hostel. Is that right?’
    He shifted in his seat, understood she expected a response. He nodded.
    ‘How did you like it?’
    ‘S’okay,’ he said.
    ‘Good. So you’ve met Tom Wheatley, the manager there. You know their rules. What they expect of you.’
    ‘Yeah,’ he said.
    ‘Good. Shall we go?’

4
    CIARAN WANTS TO walk behind her, to follow, but she won’t allow it. When he slows his pace, she does too. Mr Lewis and Mr Gilpin stay back, their footsteps echoing on the shiny floors. Ciaran feels them there, like shadows trailing from his heels.
    Once the probation woman has given her visitor’s card back to the front desk, once they’re outside in the cool air, once Mr Lewis and Mr Gilpin have been left behind, she stops walking.
    Ciaran stops too, shifting the bag’s weight on his shoulder. He can’t look at her as she turns to him. He turns his head away, shy, wishing Thomas was here to tell him how to be.
    Thomas always knows how to be. What to say. What to do.
    ‘Ciaran,’ she says, ‘I’m not going to lead you to my car. You are going to walk with me to my car. Beside me. All right?’
    Ciaran’s stomach feels weird, like wriggly worms are eating him from inside. He looks back to the door he’s only just walked through. He wants to go back to where he knows how things work. But he can’t.
    He feels all shaky frightened. Thomas would tell him to grow up, not to be a scaredy-cat, a cowardy-custard.
    Thomas isn’t scared of anything. But Thomas isn’t here to keep the scared away.
    ‘All right?’ the woman asks.
    Ciaran swallows, feels the pressure like little balloons in his ears, thinks of later on. Thinks of his brother. ‘All right,’ he says.
    She nods. ‘Come on, then.’
    She walks. He keeps pace with her, his gaze on the tarmac as they cross the car park. From the corner of his eye, he studies her. She isn’t tall, but she walks as if she is. She walks like she practises it, like how she walks matters a lot.
    The breeze is