The One I Was Read Online Free Page B

Fairfleet. It meant a lot to her to match the right nurse with the right patient. That’s why she’d started her own agency, specializing in end-of-life cases.
    And Benny himself certainly was intriguing. If you read broadsheet newspapers and watched documentaries you’d have heard of Benny Gault.
    ‘He’s reaching end stage. But is still very alert and reasonably comfortable. He needs someone who can talk to him about books, travel and politics as well as nurse him as things progress. There’s just Benny and his housekeeper. Fairfleet is a big house and she’s finding it hard to manage. I thought of you immediately.’
    I’d said nothing; my head was a kaleidoscope of memories and fears.
    ‘Rosamond?’
    I swallowed. ‘I’ll have to think about it, there’s James, you see, and …’
    And so much more.
    ‘I know.’ A tactful pause. ‘I know you’re still getting over … But this patient really needs someone like you, Rosamond. And it’s an interesting house to live in, Fairfleet.’
    I knew that.
    ‘I just don’t think I can.’
    ‘Of course you have the final say.’ But she sounded disappointed in me. ‘Why don’t you have a think about it? Talk to James?’
    I mumbled something about calling her back in a day’s time. James was listening to the conversation. It was early evening and he was home on time, compensating for long nights leading up to a school drama production last week. In front of him on the kitchen table lay a pile of school books for marking.
    ‘What was all that?’ His face was furrowed with concern. Impatience at his still worrying about me swept through me.
    ‘Just a job.’
    ‘One you don’t want?’
    I said nothing.
    ‘Why not?’
    I shrugged. He looked surprised. ‘Jo knows you quite well, doesn’t she? You always say she has an instinct for matching you to people you can best help.’
    It was true. I’d been to homes both prosperous and humble. Nursed men and women, old and young, dying of all kinds of illness. And Jo had always found a connection between these people and me that went beyond simply that of nurse and patient. She had a talent for recreating families. Sometimes I found I was nursing someone who’d had a daughter my age, who’d died or emigrated or become estranged. Or an elderly woman who reminded me of my grandmother. In so far as anyone could ever resemble her.
    ‘It’s at Fairfleet,’ I muttered.
    ‘Fairfleet?’
    ‘My grandmother’s house.’
    ‘Your grandmother who flew the Spitfires?’
    I smiled and the tension lifted briefly. Granny and her beloved planes.
    ‘Rather nice to go back to a place with happy memories.’
    I felt my body freeze. I was silent, but it must have been painted there on my face for him to see. ‘Rosamond?’
    I fiddled with the corner of one of the exercise books.
    ‘Hang on, Fairfleet …’ The name was resonating with him. ‘That was where your … ?’
    ‘Yes.’ I didn’t want him to say aloud what had happened at Fairfleet, couldn’t face hearing it all mentioned here in the futuristically modern kitchen of my safe London apartment. My fingers were still fiddling with the cover of the exercise book. He took it gently from me.
    ‘Don’t despoil school property. But, my God, no wonder you don’t want to back to Fairfleet. Call Jo back, tell her on no account are you taking the job.’
    Unlike James to dictate to me. But that wasn’t why I remained silent, fingers drumming the sleek kitchen counter.
    ‘She’ll understand that Fairfleet is one place you really can’t go to. Especially now.’
    I walked over to the window and stared out at the Thames below. Lights twinkled along the side of the river. A police launch shot past. From this height you couldn’t hear much, but down there, people were going about their lives heedless of me and what had happened to me. Many people dealt with worse. I could ring Jo back. Explain in a rational adult way that matched my rational professional persona what had