The New Yorker Stories Read Online Free Page B

glad to hear she’s not in California.”
    “It’s not a bad place,” Michael says.
    “She has a husband in California. She’s better off with Richard.”
    “I see.”
    “What do you do here?” Sam asks. “Just watch out for burglars?”
    “Water the plants. Stuff like that.”
    “You really got me good on the phone,” Sam says.
    “Yeah. Not many people have called.”
    “You have anything to drink here?” Sam asks.
    “I drank all their liquor.”
    “Like to go out for a beer?” Sam asks.
    “Sure.”
    Sam and Michael go to a bar Michael knows called Happy Jack’s. It’s a strange place, with “Heat Wave” on the jukebox, along with Tammy Wynette’s “Too Far Gone.”
    “I wouldn’t mind passing an evening in the sweet arms of Tammy Wynette, even if she is a redneck,” Sam says.
    The barmaid puts their empty beer bottles on her tray and walks away.
    “She’s got big legs,” Michael says.
    “But she’s got nice soft arms,” Sam says. “Like Tammy Wynette.”
    As they talk, Tammy is singing about love and barrooms.
    “What do you do?” Michael asks Sam.
    “I’m a shoe salesman.”
    “That doesn’t sound like much fun.”
    “You didn’t ask me what I did for fun. You asked me what my job was.”
    “What do you do for fun?” Michael asks.
    “Listen to Tammy Wynette records,” Sam says.
    “You think about Tammy Wynette a lot.”
    “I once went out with a girl who looked like Tammy Wynette,” Sam says. “She wore a nice low-cut blouse, with white ruffles, and black high-heel shoes.”
    Michael rubs his hand across his mouth.
    “She had downy arms. You know what I mean. They weren’t really hairy,” Sam says.
    “Excuse me,” Michael says.
    In the bathroom, Michael hopes that Happy Jack isn’t drunk anywhere in the bar. When he gets drunk he likes to go into the bathroom and start fights. After a customer has had his face bashed in by Happy Jack, his partners usually explain to the customer that he is crazy. Today, nobody is in the bathroom except an old guy at the washbasin, who isn’t washing, though. He is standing there looking in the mirror. Then he sighs deeply.
    Michael returns to their table. “What do you say we go back to the house?” he says to Sam.
    “Have they got any Tammy Wynette records?”
    “I don’t know. They might,” Michael says.
    “O.K.,” Sam says.
    “How come you wanted to be a shoe salesman?” Michael asks him in the car.
    “Are you out of your mind?” Sam says. “I didn’t want to be a shoe salesman.”
    Michael calls his wife—a mistake. Mary Anne is having trouble in the day-care center. The child wants to quit and stay home and watch television. Since Michael isn’t doing anything, his wife says, maybe he could stay home while she works and let Mary Anne have her way, since her maladjustment is obviously caused by Michael’s walking out on them when he knew the child adored him.
    “You just want me to move back,” Michael says. “You still like me.”
    “I don’t like you at all. I never make any attempt to get in touch with you, but if you call you’ll have to hear what I have to say.”
    “I just called to say hello, and you started in.”
    “Well, what did you call for, Michael?”
    “I was lonesome.”
    “I see. You walk out on your wife and daughter, then call because you’re lonesome.”
    “Silas ran away.”
    “I certainly hope he comes back, since he means so much to you.”
    “He does,” Michael says. “I really love that dog.”
    “What about Mary Anne?”
    “I don’t know. I’d like to care, but what you just said didn’t make any impression on me.”
    “Are you in some sensitivity group, or something?”
    “No.”
    “Well, before you hang up, could you think about the situation for a minute and advise me about how to handle it? If I leave her at the day-care center, she has a fit and I have to leave work and get her.”
    “If I had a car I could go get her.”
    “That isn’t very practical, is