The Humans Read Online Free Page A

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    BRIGID
    Guys, what’re you doing?—go downstairs and relax, / please—
ERIK
DEIRDRE
All right, okay . . .
I am, just gonna use the little girls’ room first . . .
    AIMEE
    How do I get Momo down there? . . .
    BRIGID
    What do you mean?
    AIMEE
    Well I can’t dump her down the spiral staircase.
    BRIGID
    Oh God, sorry, use the elevator—
ERIK
AIMEE
Here, I’ll take her—
          (Taking control of the wheelchair)
 
I got it, I never get to see her . . . go help Rich . . .
    ERIK
    You sure?
    AIMEE
    Yeah . . .
    Erik heads downstairs. Brigid opens the door for Aimee and Momo.
    BRIGID
    Take the elevator to the B-level.
    DOWNSTAIRS : Erik descends the spiral staircase. Richard is making last-minute dinner preparations.
    BRIGID
    Â Â Â Â Â  (Calling down)
    Rich, unlock the downstairs door please!
    RICHARD
    Â Â Â Â Â  (Calling up)
    You got it!
    ERIK
    Look at all this . . .
    RICHARD
    Come on down . . .
    UPSTAIRS :
    DEIRDRE
    So when Momo needs the bathroom we’ve gotta go out in the hall and take the elevator?
    BRIGID
    Yeah, but . . . I’ll take her back up if . . .
    Â Â Â Â Â  (Deirdre sighs)
    Sorry, I forgot about her wheelchair.
    DEIRDRE
    Yeah, I know you did.
    Deirdre enters the bathroom. Brigid heads for the staircase.
    DOWNSTAIRS : Erik looks around, investigating.
    RICHARD
    Â Â Â Â Â  (Handing Erik a beer)
    Beer?
    ERIK
    Yeah, I’ll take a Coke, too, if you’ve got / soda or . . .
    RICHARD
    Yeah, coming right up . . .
    ERIK
    Thanks. Detroit’s up seven.
    RICHARD
    Oh . . . oh, the football game?
    Â Â Â Â Â  (Erik nods. Small beat)
    How’s the lake house coming along? I hear you might build this summer?
    ERIK
    Uh, no, not until the sewers get put in . . . doesn’t make sense to build with a septic system if they’re gonna be putting in sewers soon.
    BRIGID
    Â Â Â Â Â  (Coming down the stairs)
    The sooner the better, I can’t wait for a lake-house Christmas.
    RICHARD
    Â Â Â Â Â  (Handing her a glass of wine)
    Red, right?
    BRIGID
    Yes, thank you . . .
    Â Â Â Â Â  (Referring to the paper plates)
    . . . How do you like our fine china, Dad?
    Erik smiles. Richard sets things out on the table, Brigid assists.
    ERIK
    You’re gonna miss the old house.
    BRIGID
    I will; I won’t miss the wall-to-wall carpeting . . . or the bunk beds.
    Small beat. Erik drinks. Richard and Brigid prepare food in the kitchen alley.
    RICHARD
    Work’s good, Erik?—you’re still at—it’s a Catholic high school, right?
    BRIGID
    St. Paul’s, for twenty-eight years . . .
    RICHARD
    Wow, / that’s impressive . . .
    ERIK
    Well . . .
    BRIGID
    They created a whole position for him.
    ERIK
    Don’t make it sound—I headed up maintenance and coupla years ago they needed a, an equipment manager, so—
    BRIGID
    It’s a big job, it’s a triple-A school, he handles all the phys-ed classes, / manages the weight room, the kids love him . . .
    ERIK
    All right, okay . . . hey enough . . .
    RICHARD
    That’s impressive.
    ERIK
    It’s practical. Got the girls free tuition. You don’t pick up after other people’s kids for twenty-eight years unless you really love your own, you know?
    RICHARD
    Â Â Â Â Â  (Toasting)
    Well, hey, to twenty-eight years . . .
BRIGID
ERIK
Twenty-eight years . . .
Cheers.
    UPSTAIRS : Toilet flush. Deirdre exits the bathroom.
    DOWNSTAIRS : Brigid—who was waiting for the bathroom to be free—starts up the staircase.
    RICHARD
    Yeah, no it’s crazy, our generation, we’re lucky if we stay in a job for one year, right Bridge?
    ERIK
    Are you guys even in the same generation?
    BRIGID
    Â Â Â Â Â  (Stopping on the staircase)
    Dad, that’s / not funny—
    ERIK
    What, I’m not allowed to joke?
    BRIGID
    No.
    Richard continues meal preparations.
    RICHARD
    You decide on an architect for